Aethelmearc · Board of Directors · Pennsic War · West

BREAKING: Lifeguards file class action lawsuit over alligator incident

BARONY OF DARKWOOD, THE WEST – For the last three months, the Knowne World has been on pins and needles as the effects of the “Alligator Incident” of Pennsic 49 rippled outwards.  The SCAllion has reported on this incident extensively.  Now, in this latest chapter of the ongoing saga, a class action libel lawsuit has been filed in the Superior Court of California, Santa Carla County, against the SCA, Inc. and several individuals involved in the issuing of sanctions against the lifeguards and watch personnel involved in the Alligator Incident.

The lead plaintiff has now been identified as Robin of Sundered Oak, resident of Æthelmearc, the lifeguard who tried to stop a Duke from bringing alligators to swim in the lake at Pennsic and was sanctioned by the Board of Directors for his enforcement of the rules.  According to court filings, Robin and the other lifeguards and safety personnel similarly situated are seeking damages for published statements on the part of Reginbold Strubel, the Society Earl Marshal at the time of the incident and the initial issuer of sanctions, Merione Ferquair of Melby as the spokesperson for the Board of Directors, Board member Leon de Paris, Society Seneschal Gepheffray de la Bourdonnaye, and the Society for Creative Anachronism itself. The suit alleges that these defendants recklessly published false statements about the incident, about Robin, and about the lifeguards and watch personnel at Pennsic, including the claim that Robin had violated the community standards of the Society, as well as negative statements about the effectiveness and integrity of the safety staff at Pennsic.  

The SCAllion will follow the news of this lawsuit very closely over the coming months. 

PS:  Jaws tells us we have to say that this is a fictional satire intended to make a point, and that no lawsuit actually has been filed against anyone.  Nor is The SCAllion suggesting that a lawsuit could or should be filed. 

PPS: Jaws also suggests we mention that, if you go to Santa Carla looking for a courthouse, watch out for the vampires.

Aethelmearc · Ansteorra · Artemisia · Arts and Sciences · Atenveldt · Atlantia · Avacal · Caid · Calontir · Cynagua · Drachenwald · Ealdormere · East · Gleann Abhann · Insulae Draconis · Knowne World · Lochac · Meridies · Midrealm · Mists · Nordmark · Northshield · Outlands · Tir Mara · Tir Righ · Trimaris · West

Known World Wordsmiths join WGA strike

KNOWNE WORLD – Across all of the kingdoms of the Knowne World, wordsmiths of the Society for Creative Anachronism are launching a sympathy strike with the Writers Guild of America (WGA). These “wordsmiths” of the Knowne World are those who provide texts for award scrolls and related documents, as well as ceremony heralds and royal schtick writers. Renowned wordsmith and poet, Magistra Virginia Lupa released a statement.

“So much of what we do in the Knowne World has been influenced by members of the WGA, whose work has informed and, if you will pardon a little scribal joke, illuminated our own work. While members of the WGA are striking over issues which affect their very livelihood, SCA wordsmiths and scribes can also suffer from difficult working conditions, and although our “pay” comes in social capital and wordfame, sometimes we don’t even get that.  Supporting our sibling writers in the WGA seems only fair, after all they’ve given us.”

The strike has affected all the kingdoms, though some have been harder hit than others.  Kingdoms which have standard texts for some awards have suffered less than those where all scrolls are unique. Some of those kingdoms have begun to look through older scroll texts to find those which can be depersonalised and recycled. Peerage scrolls are universally unique, causing some kingdoms to delay elevations while the strike is ongoing.

Some kingdoms have even resorted to scabs, with predictably poor results. Maestra Monica do Cabo Verde, elevated shortly after the strike began, was a victim. “The illumination is gorgeous, the calligraphy is fantastic, but the text.”  Maestra Monica burst into tears before giving The SCAllion a transcription of the text, which is reproduced below in its entirety.

A woman stood out from the rest
Her service was truly the best
A Pelican she
Really ought to be
Signed , the King and the Queen of the West

The SCAllion supports the WGA and the Knowne World wordsmiths in their fight for fair treatment.

Bardic · Board of Directors · East · Knowne World · Midrealm · Mists · Royal Peer · Sanctions · West

Zero Tolerance Policy yields baffling results; Literally no one surprised (except maybe the BoD)

BARONY OF AYRETON, MIDDLE KINGDOM – In a story that has become entirely too common in today’s Society for Creative Anachronism, Their Majesties of the Midrealm pronounced a Banishment from the Realm for Jacob and Ellwood Blaüen on Saturday. 

While the Board insists that officers and crowns do not disclose the reasons for a banishment, The SCAllion’s inside mole, Deep Gorget, says that the Blaüens were banished for advocating that people should punch Nazis when they announce themselves, and that Nazis and white supremacists should be removed from participating in the Society. Deep Gorget also made clear that Their Majesties and the Kingdom Seneschal of the Middle were given no choice about levying these sanctions – they were given a mandate from above.

Lords Jacob and Ellwood made their statements after a run-in with a visitor to the open bardic evening they hosted at their home last week: someone identifying himself only as “a newcomer” walked in wearing khaki fatigues with lightning bolt collar pins and armbands bearing the Nazi flag and the Confederate battle flag. According to witnesses, the brothers initially asked the person politely to leave their home. When the person asked why they should have to leave an open Baronial bardic event, Ellwood replied, “I hate Illinois Nazis, and I don’t want them in my home.” The person left after verbally insulting the brothers and their guests. The Blaüens then posted about the encounter on Facebook, as described above, leading to a bullying and harassment complaint being filed against them with the Society Seneschal’s office by the angry “newcomer”.

Opinions around the kingdom were largely in support of the brothers Blaüen, elevating them to status of folk heroes. Crown Princess Carolina Piscatrix loudly publicly disagreed with the sanction. “We must stand together as an alliance to protect our game from the harm being done by the few who want to use us to live out their white supremacist fantasies. Those people should have no place in our Society.”

After some cajoling, Deep Gorget revealed that the incident with the Blaüens is not the only example of the anti-bullying policy being weaponized by actual bullies and white supremacists.  Sir Stephanus filius Rogeri of the East is facing a threat of banishment for posting the following on Facebook: “It’s our duty as peers, and especially as members of the Chivalry, to always punch Nazis.” Complaints of bullying have also been made against Princess Diana of Ephesos, the current Princess of the Mists, because her Facebook banner is an image of Wonder Woman punching Hitler from Wonder Woman #2 (1942).

“It’s a sad day,” Deep Gorget complained between drags on his unfiltered cigarette, “when wishing you could punch Nazis is punished more harshly than being a Nazi.  But that’s where we are, at least until the BoD gets its head out of its ass.”

archery · Armored Combat · Cynagua · West

In a stunning break with tradition, the Principality of Cynagua implements training programs for officers and marshals

PRINCIPALITY OF CYNAGUA, THE WEST – For the first time in the Principality of Cynagua’s history a slate of training programs for officers and marshals has gotten past the theoretical stage to actually be written into a coherent and sustainable program for all officers and a parallel training program for marshals has been made a part of Principality law and policy.

Officers, who have long complained about the lack of codified, consistent training will now have to attend either an in-person or virtual class in advance of taking over an office and again within the first six months of holding the office. Failure to do so will result in immediate sanction, and loss of dessert at all feasts, forever. 

All marshals in all disciplines will have to attend practical, hands-on classes to show that they know the latest version of the Kingdom’s rules for their specific martial discipline.  Any marshal who cites a rules set more than 10 years out of date will be immediately suspended and required to assist with field breakdown at their next three events.

Lifeguards will be required to join the Known World Lifeguard Union, and attend alligator wrestling classes.

Not everyone is in favor of the new initiatives. “Safety, smafety! We did fine for the first 50+ years of the Society. Not sure why we should change,” said Sir Godfried aus Turigen. We caught up to Sir Godfried in the emergency room of the hospital where he was having his arm splinted from an unsafe blow. 

All questions about the new Principality laws should be directed to the Principality’s seneschal or one of their raccoons. 

Ansteorra · Board of Directors · Drachenwald · Lochac · Outlands · Pennsic War · West

Known World Royalty Propose Official SCA Standard Time

BARONY OF BODLINGTONE, KINGDOM OF BODLANDIA — In an unprecedented move, the united royalty of the Knowne World has presented a petition to the Board demanding that they standardize time across the entire SCA.

Queen Hanna Koretskaia, acting as spokesperson for the assembled Royals, explained: “As Pennsic negotiations started and, as usual, immediately began to break down, we started to search for common ground. Any common ground. And we realized that we did have at least one thing in common: we all hated Daylight Savings Time. It wasn’t just the Pennsic principal kingdoms either. We spoke to all the Crowns of all the kingdoms, and everyone agreed, Daylight Savings Time just plain sucks. So we decided to trash it. And in talking it through, we found another problem, time zones, so we decided to fix that, too.”

The SCAllion was able to review the petition, which adopts a novel solution for dealing with the Crowns’ concerns. The Crowns propose a single “time zone,” SCA Standard Time, or SST, which will be used for all Society for Creative Anachronism events worldwide. SST will have no adjustment for Daylight Savings Time, or anything else for that matter. It will also use exclusively 24-hour clocks, although it will retain US style date formatting, over the objections of Lochac and Drachenwald, with the North American kingdoms claiming that YY-MM-DD format just “looks weird.”

“It seemed like the obvious solution, really,” said Queen Hanna. “People can set their clocks, or one of their clocks, to SST and know what time events are scheduled for wherever they are, without having to worry about travelling across time zones or,” she paused to hack and spit, “Daylight Savings Time.”

When asked if there had been any difficulty in the negotiations, Queen Hanna replied, “Just one, really. Every Kingdom wanted their home time zone to be the one used for SST, which is why we eventually settled on UTC-12:00, which is used by nobody, but does include a couple of uninhabited islands claimed by the West, which means check-in for Pennsic will begin at 0900 7/28/2023 at 0100 SST. Simple.”

“Using SST will also help us to rectify some historical injustices,” said Queen Hanna. “For instance, the Barony of the Citadel of the Southern Pass will be able to join the kingdom of Ansteorra, since the only reason it was in the Outlands in the first place was due to it being in the Mountain time zone.”

Arts and Sciences · Bardic · Calontir · Mists · Outlands · West

New Google AI Chatbot “Bard” poses threat to wandering minstrels

SHIRE OF CROSSTON, PRINCIPALITY OF THE MISTS, KINGDOM OF THE WEST – The bardic community is up in arms that they will soon be replaced with Google’s AI Chatbot “Bard”. While Bard is yet to roll out, news of the updated technology is making waves. A SCAdian employee of Google spoke with The SCAllion on the condition of anonymity. “The upside of this replacement is you won’t have to pay the bard who shows up in your camp with ale.  Your phone and a set of battery operated speakers and you can have whatever original period music you want!” When pressed on details, the employee admitted that the technology was still unstable. “It’s in beta,” they admitted,”the quality of the music is not yet reliable. I asked for an Old English version of To The West and I got rickrolled with shawm & viol instead.” 

The bardic community is roiling with resentment, repeated outbursts of righteous rage, and rampant alliteration. Inside Discord servers, across Facebook, and in rehearsals, musicians are talking animatedly about art, ownership, and the anticipated lack of alcoholic offerings. “It’s not fair,” said Martine Courtois of the Outlands, “I’ve been working on learning the lute for years, honing my craft and performance sense… and now an out of period machine will pump out tunes? Where’s the ambiance? Where’s the craftsmanship?”

Calontir has a unique take on the machine learning tool: “Because it outputs words in nonsense order, no one can sing along! It’s only good for solo pieces, it’s not a real bard!” said a bardic Pelican upon condition of anonymity. “We are a community bardic kingdom. Other places are welcome to this single-person nonsense.”

The SCAllion staff room had been bopping along to the faux bardcore until the editors noticed that we were writing out the random word order into our stories. We are now back to listening to artisanal bardcore.

Cynagua · West

West Kingdom Seneschal exposed as three raccoons in a surcoat

SHIRE OF FENDRAKE MARCH, CYNAGUA, WEST KINGDOM – In an unexpected turn of events, the Seneschal of the Principality of Cynagua was recently discovered to be three raccoons in a surcoat and unshaped felt hat.

Speaking to The SCAllion on condition of anonymity, a member of the local populace said that people became suspicious when the seneschal was observed to be washing their paws an unusual amount before eating.

“It’s clearly a case of habitat loss,” said Thegn Dongall, who said they have watched a documentary on raccoons on PBS. “Their usual food sources have become unavailable or hard to access due to human habitat encroachment, so it’s logical that they’d adapt by putting on garb and purchasing feast.”

When asked if they planned to remove the raccoons from office, both the Prince of Cynagua and the Kingdom Seneschal said no. “Their memberships are up to date, and they frankly have a better social media strategy than most humans,” said the Prince.  The Kingdom Seneschal added, “There’s nothing in Corpora preventing raccoons from holding office, and we have had fewer complaints about them as principality seneschal than we did for their predecessor.”

Arts and Sciences · Board of Directors · Laurel · Peerage · Pennsic War · West

Corpora now requires all laurels to hold PhD, ABD required for polling

BARONY OF DARKWOOD, THE WEST: In an unsurprising twist, the Board of Directors has reworked the requirements in Corpora for elevation to the Order of the Laurel. All new members must hold a PhD in history, art history, anthropology, or a related field. In addition, official transcripts must be submitted to the Order prior to elevation. Candidates must have at least ABD (All But Dissertation) standing prior to polling.

“This is absurd,” said Baroness Rhodmilla de Ghent, “I only have a Master’s degree, but twenty years of experience in the Society. Doesn’t that count for something?”

The new requirements come as standards in order to receive the accolade continue to rise. “It’s important that we continue to raise the bar,” said Society President Hadrian the Scholar. “With more and more people receiving graduate degrees today, now is our chance to really engage with the academic community and uphold our values as an educational organization.”

“I mean, what are Laurels but adjuncts anyway?” said Pennsic University Dean Magnifica Sofonisba Franco. “It’s time we hold ourselves to the same standards as real institutions. Including not paying them. We are all volunteers, after all.”

Laurels without the appropriate degrees will retain their peerages/positions on a legacy basis. Tenure track peerages are unavailable and contracts will be reviewed annually.

College of Arms · Cynagua · Heraldry · West

Laurel Sovereign at arms relaxes “one coat of arms” restrictions; SCA welcomes polyarmorists

BARONY OF DARKWOOD, THE WEST – In an announcement yesterday, the Laurel Sovereign at Arms has repealed the mandate that members may only have one registered device, and now allows individuals to register multiple items as a device.

“This is fantastic news for polyarmorists,” commented Lord Joseph, speaking from his home forge in Loch Salann, Artemisia, where he works part-time as a blacksmith. “I think you’ll see a lot more participation from members who don’t feel like they should have to choose just one primary device, and it will be a recruitment tool, too. I know a few other polyarmorists who just didn’t feel welcome before. It’s a great step.”

Not everyone welcomes the change, though. “What am I supposed to tell my kids?” asked one commenter. “Suddenly there’s going to be this guy, just hanging out in court with multiple devices, and I’m gonna have to figure out what to tell my kids about that. It’s not traditional.”

Other commenters, though, responded quickly to the challenge. “You tell them that some people love more than one set of arms,” one comment read. “It may not be how you were raised, but polyarmory is as valid in the SCA now as monoarmory has been for decades.”

At the time of writing, the Laurel Sovereign of Arms has not responded to the SCAllion’s request for comment, though their Twitter profile picture has been updated to a photo of them with their arm around a banner displaying Vert a bend Or compony brunatre three Saxon Crowns purpure in second quarter, while gripping a kite shield in the other hand showing Pily bendy sinister pean and brunatre a lozenge throughout celestial azure a bagwyn sanguine.

An Tir · Arts and Sciences · Atenveldt · East · War of the Phoenix · West

BREAKING: GOATs to Sing National Anthem at Super Bowl

BARONY OF SUN DRAGON, KINGDOM OF ATENVELDT – In a move that surprises absolutely nobody, Tom Brady has come back out of retirement to sing the National Anthem at the Super Bowl LVII in the Barony of Sun Dragon. Sir Tom Brady, after retiring Monday, announced that he had re-signed with Atenveldt to perform as the National Anthem singer for the event and that he had invited Baron Goaty McGoatface, Bardic Champion of the West, to assist his performance in a rare instance of Cross-Kingdom Champions cooperation. It will be a powerful moment indeed when both the GOAT and the Goat sing The Star-Spangled Banner this Sunday.

When asked why Sir Tom was invited to sing the anthem, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell told The SCAllion, “In his entire 22-year career in the NFL, we never knew Mr. Brady was such a gifted singer. I caught his performance on the TikToks and knew he had the chops to sing the anthem.” When asked by The SCAllion if he was okay with His Excellency Goaty coming along for accompaniment, Mr. Goodell said, “Well, the GOAT knows goats and champions know champions, so it should be a sight to behold. We also can’t say no to Mr. Brady…Like legally, it’s been in his contract ever since Spygate.” When informed that Sir Tom had retired from the NFL, Mr. Goodell got a distant look on his face, screamed “WE’RE FREE! WE’RE FINALLY FREE!” and ran off while stripping nude. A few crewmembers working on preparations for the game snarked that it was clear that “Mr. Brady clearly just wanted to be back at the Super Bowl again, no matter what.”

The pair will sing the anthem at the conclusion of the Super Bowl pregame show, which is scheduled to last as long as an An Tir Twelfth Night court, this coming February 12th, A.S. LVII.