feast · Lochac

Chaotic scenes as Baronial guard remove diner from feast

BARONY OF POLITARCHOPOLIS, LOCHAC — Chaos erupted at a small feast in Politarchopolis this week, as one of the diners was removed from the hall by the Baronial guard from the Barony of Ynys Fawr. It is understood that the gentle in question has been accused of crimes against the small island Barony’s navy.

The gentle in question, Burghermeister Jack the Hungry, made the following statement as he was being escorted from the feasting hall: “My lords, my ladies, this is feudalism manifest. Have a look at the pike-work here, I see that you know your Talhoffer well,” before demanding that those around him not touch any of his peanuts — though he later described the peanuts as “limp”.

On his exit, he complimented the parts of the feast which he was able to sample, describing it as a “succulent Politarchopolan meal”.

The captain of the Ynys Fawr Baronial Guard, Lord Harald inn Heill, told The SCAllion that the charges against Burghermeister Jack are related to a number of deficiencies in a ship that he sold to the Ynys Fawr Naval Squadron. “I suppose the biggest problem with the ship is that the prow fell off. 

Admiral Angharad Crwban, head of the Ynys Fawr Naval Squadron, released a statement saying, “How long may she float with ships like this? It seems to have been made largely of cardboard and cardboard derivatives, and as a result 20 Ynys Fawr sailors were dumped into the sea.”