Armored Combat · Chivalry · Peerage

Atlantian Order of the Chivalry claim severe allergy to elevating women to their peerage

CANTON OF CHARLESBURY CROSSING, ATLANTIA — The Kingdom of Atlantia has recently been rocked by scandal as a female squire is threatening a lawsuit in order to join the Order of the Chivalry.

Barone Johanna Ffeyrmayden, currently squired to Sir Thebald Valret, is preparing to file a request for reasonable accommodation to the Order of the Chivalry, based on comments made during her candidate discussion and shared with her by her Knight.

Knights during that meeting claimed to be “severely allergic” to the idea of a female knight, citing hives, congestion, headaches, coughs, and sore throats at the idea, and expressing concern at the possibility of stronger symptoms if a female candidate is elevated. A spokesman for the Order dismissed these comments as “boys being boys,” and “locker room talk.”

Barone Johanna’s complaint, which she says will be submitted to the Kingdom Seneschal within the week, states that the only feedback she has received is based on this claim of an allergic reaction, and that she meets every bar for inclusion otherwise. She also noted asking for reasonable accommodation in the form of the affected Knights taking over-the-counter allergy medication before seeing or interacting with a “Lady Knight”.

Attached to Johanna Ffeyrmayden’s complaint is an affidavit from her allergist, asserting that an allergy to female knights does not have a medical basis, and “sounds like a made-up condition.” 

A concurrent petition is circulating among the populace for unrelated reasons, citing an overall desire to see some members of the Chivalry be more heavily medicated.

Chivalry · Defense · East · King · Laurel · Peerage · Pelican · Queen · Rose · Royal Peer

East Kingdom peerages agree on standard fealty oath

BARONY OF SETTMOUR SWAMP, THE EAST — In a move which has been met with surprise and astonishment, the combined peerage orders of the Kingdom of the East have unanimously approved a standard fealty oath for use by all peers throughout the kingdom who wish to swear fealty.

 According to sources in-Kingdom, King Báetán mac Fergaile and Queen Coblaith ingen Fechtnaig asked their peerage orders to create a standardised oath in the aftermath of the specialised, incredibly lengthy,  fully-documented period oath given to them this weekend by Magistra Ahelissa de Glack.  Now known widely as The Oath of Two Score Terms And Twelve, it was 20 minutes long and kept Their Majesties from badly-needed bathroom breaks.

The official form of the new standard oath is recorded in several languages, to enable some flexibility for peers of different cultural personae.

For example, the Latin form of the oath is thus:

Non te dedam
Non te deficiam
Non vagabor et deseram te
Non te lacrimabit
Non dicam vale
Non mendiar et laedam te

For those peers with Jewish personae, the Hebrew form of the oath reads:

לעולם לא אוותר עלייך
לעולם לא אאכזב אותך
לעולם לא אתרוצץ סביב ואעזוב אותך
לעולם לא אגרום לך לבכות
לעולם לא אומר להתראות
לעולם לא אספר שקר ואפגע בך

Peers from the Arabic-speaking regions may enjoy this version:

لن أتخلى عن الأمل فيك
لن أخذلك
لن أركض وأتركك
لن أجعلك تبكي
لن أقول وداعا
لن أقول لك كذبة وأجرحك

The Middle English form of the oath is as follows:

Ich schall relinquishe þe nevere
Ich schall faile þe nevere
Ich schall rave awei nevere, nor leve þe
Ich schall encausen þe wepest nevere
Ich schall sprece ileve niminge nevere
Ich schall sprece gabbe nevere nor bane þe

Translations in other languages are available from Baroness Theodhild, Brigantia Herald.

Asked to explain the words chosen, Lærifaðir Gunni Stillingr, a member of the Order of Laurel who assisted with the translations explained, “It’s not that strange a move, it’s important that everyone involved knows what the rules are.   Fealty is about making a full commitment.”

Despite the unanimous vote, some peers are not entirely on board with the new standard wording.  “This is against all the traditions of the East,” complained Baron Estienne Flambard, a long-time Pelican. “But their Majesties know the game, they’re going to play it, and we have to go along. If you ask me how I’m feeling about this whole situation, well, my heart’s been aching since it was announced.”

Master Ricardus de Asteleghe, a Bardic Laurel, was more enthusiastic.  “We’ve known this move was coming for so long,” he gushed.   “I love it, and I’m not too shy to say it.  I never want to give this up.”

Sources close to Theodhild Brigantia report that she spent the day after the announcement staring into the middle distance with a bottle of wine, muttering, “So it’s come to this.”

Atlantia · Board of Directors · Omnibus Peerage · Peerage

Three Impossible Tasks Before Breakfast: Board Unveils Process for Creating New Peerages

BARONY OF BODLINGTONE, KINGDOM OF BODLANDIA  — After years of silence and frustration, the Board of Directors of the Society for Creative Anachronism finally will be releasing its requirements for a path to Peerage for any martial arts other than armored combat and rapier.  Reporters for The SCAllion managed to obtain an advanced copy of the requirements document by meeting with their top-secret Board source, known only as “Deep Gorget,” in a parking garage in Barony of Storvik, where they traded period cast pewter tokens for information.  The contents of the document are astounding.

Martial arts communities in the Society not already recognized with a Peerage will have to complete three out of a list of a possible twenty-seven tasks in order to earn the right to put a proposal for a new Peerage before the Board.  The qualifying tasks range from merely difficult to flat-out impossible, including:

  • Empty Lake Jennings using only a thimble;
  • Cut down the mightiest tree in Allegheny National Forest with a herring;
  • Defeat the Kobayashi Maru simulation;
  • Manually clean and re-stock all of the portable toilets at Pennsic in a single night;
  • Find an acre of land between the salt water and the sea-strand, plough it with a lamb’s horn, and sow it all over with one peppercorn;
  • Create an A&S project from the sound of a cat’s footfall, the beard of a woman, the roots of a mountain, the sinews of a bear, the breath of a fish, and the spittle of a bird; or
  • Destroy a Ring of Power by dropping it into the fires of Mount Doom without losing a finger.

Once three of the requisite tasks are completed, the petitioner(s) must appear before the Board in person, “not clothed, not naked, not riding, not walking, not in the road, and not out of the road, during a day without a night and a night without a day.”

Board spokesman Duke Orric de Mahomeriola explained these requirements: “The Board recognizes that it mishandled the creation of the Order of Defense by giving unclear and inconsistent instructions.  We believe that these new standards provide the necessary clarity for any other martial community seeking a Peerage for their activity, as well as properly setting expectations as to how the Board will respond.”   When questioned about the difficulty of the required tasks, Duke Orric responded, “Look, peerage requirements can be specific, measurable, or attainable. Pick two.”

Proponents of the “Omnibus Peerage” proposal are dismayed, but strangely relieved.  “At least we know what the BoD expects from us now,” said Landgräfin Kunigunda Haigerloch, one of the co-authors of the Omnibus Peerage Proposal.  “They’ve strung us along for so long that it’s a relief to get something, even if that something is utterly ridiculous.” 

Master Thomas Roy MacGillewye, head of the Known World Equestrian Guild, described the mixed feelings of his community: “We’re disappointed, of course, but I think the Board underestimates how determined we are to see our fellow archers, throwers, equestrians, scouts and siege engineers recognized after all this time.  The Board should be careful what it asks for, it just might get it.”

Landgräfin Kunigunda hinted that a group of archers already had a lead for renting some giant eagles, while Master Thomas noted that the Board’s requirements did not define the size and shape of a “thimble.”  Neither representative would confirm or deny additional plans.

The SCAllion will keep track of this story as it develops.

Atenveldt · Peerage · Pelican · Service

Atenveldt suffers Denial of Service attack as Pelicans, others strike

BARONY OF TWIN MOONS, ATENVELDT — The Kingdom of Atenveldt has ground to standstill today as the Order of the Pelican, along with the Orders of the Beacon of the Desert and Light of Atenveldt, went on strike, an action described by the Kingdom Royalty as “a co-ordinated Denial of Service attack.”

Royal Chamberlain Maximillian von Siddown addressed the crisis. “With the service orders on strike, Atenveldt is operating on an extremely limited basis. While the strikers have pledged to file their next quarterly reports to prevent the Kingdom falling out of compliance at the Board level, events more complex than backyard practices have stopped almost completely. Representatives of the Crown and Territorial Nobility will be meeting with the head of the striking orders, James deHoffa, to try to resolve the issues.

Master deHoffa released a list of the complaints of the service orders to The SCAllion, and we presume, other media outlets. The strikers complaints include some health and safety concerns:

  • Muddy boots in the hall making floors slippery and adding to clean-up time
  • Mockery of mask enforcement both as in “making a mockery of” and “mocking those who mask”
  • Lack of first aid care for those who cross the picket line to the kitchen (even scabs deserve health care)

Among other things, the strikers are asking for:

  • Some attempt by the Royalty to keep to the schedule
  • The fighters and fencers, too, they always run late
  • A commitment to starting feasts on time
  • Severe punishments for those who volunteer to help and then don’t
  • More cookies

Master deHoffa clarified that he is referring in the last point to actual cookies, not the colloquial “cookies meaning awards,” although that would be fine, too.  

The call to start feasts on time has drawn support from some members of the Orders of the Laurel, Flower of the Desert, and Fleur de Soleil. One member of the Fleur, speaking on condition of anonymity, asked how they were supposed to be recognised for their cooking skills if all the hot dishes had gone cold by the time they were served. Adding, “Lukewarm pottage? Blech!”

Advice · From the Newsroom · Laurel · Peerage

Goody Advice: Introverts, alcohol-free, and more

Dear Goody, 
My husband, also a Laurel, is hitting on my apprentice. She is apparently receptive. 
Pissed Laurel

Dear Pissed, 

May I suggest couples’ therapy or therapy for your spouse? If he is hitting on your apprentice and is a peer and also the husband of her peer, your apprentice is in a really shitty spot. She might feel that she has to appear receptive to please someone in the circle she hopes to join one day. Your husband is a man in a position of power over your associate and he is being an absolute dick. Sure, your associate may have a bit of a crush on your spouse because of how they look, behave toward them, or how they art. However, he’s the one making the advances and I find it unlikely that your apprentice entered a relationship with you to get closer to your guy. Unless she begins dressing exactly like you and dyes her hair to match yours, she isn’t the issue. 

Your husband is. Talk to him and lay out some hard truths. Then, if your relationship is something you want to continue, get him some therapy. He seriously needs it.

Hope this helps!
-Goody Advice

Dear Goody,
I’m a timid introvert who is horrible at remembering people’s names, and barely know anyone in the SCA. How can I find my people?

Dear Timid, 

You have to do at least a little of the heavy lifting when finding your tribe. Pick up the event schedule. Find the things that interest you. Go to them. When you get there, introduce yourself and tell people you are new. Admit you are bad with names. Half of the SCA is shit at this.

After this, just be open and willing to have new experiences. Keep a small notebook in your bag or pouch and write down names and descriptions of people. Ask if you can snap a quick pic with your phone and label it with the name of the person in the photo. When you find people you enjoy, you can take that photo and use it to help memorize name and face together. Set a goal of meeting two new people or one new person per event and learn their name. Even if you don’t entirely vibe with them, their similar interests and your new connection can help introduce you to more people at the next event, and those might be your people. 

But you have to try and put in the work. Making new friends is worth the effort, especially in the SCA where they can often become like family. Get your notebook and phone and get to it. You have your people to find and they will probably be pissed that you didn’t find them sooner. We’re assholes like that, but you’ll love us.

Hope this helps!

-Goody Advice

Dear Goody, 
How do I have fun in the SCA without alcohol?
Happily Sober

Dear Sober,

Well, it’s actually quite easy. Many evening activities at camping events can be deeply enjoyed, and perhaps best enjoyed, sans alcohol. Period dance is not for the sloshed as just one English country dance can put you on your ass while sober. Subsequent rounds of dance only increase those odds especially in shoes with smooth soles. Bardic is actually better when you can remember the words to a song or poem rather than slurring into “I forget” and swearing. Gaming requires no alcohol, but it does help if your opponent is imbibing while you are not. Nothing like slow reaction time and distraction to improve your strategic attitude! 

As for the sunlit hours, day drinking seems like great fun but often knocks a person out of the event by late afternoon or evening. Staying hydrated during an event while fighting, performing service or sweating through an art/sci is much easier without booze and pretty much ensures a less shitty morning on the following day. However, sometimes the hardest part is finding a non-alcoholic beverage at a party, so be sure to bring your drink of choice with you. 

One of the best suggestions I can give is to find someone else who is also not indulging. It is preferred that this accomplice have a wicked sense of humor. Find yourselves a nice overlook and sip your soda, pop, sparkling water, tea, kombucha or whatever you enjoy while watching a raging party devolve into a dumpster fire. Try narrating what you see in the style of a documentary program, commenting like movie critics or go absolutely MST3K. You will not be disappointed by this.

Hope this helps!

-Goody Advice

King · Midrealm · Peerage · Queen · Rose · Royal Peer

Royal Peers discovered to be most bullied group in SCA

BARONY OF CARRAIG BAN, THE MIDDLE – The Society-wide committee tasked with analyzing and reporting on bullying in the SCA has released its findings. The committee reports that members who have sat thrones at least once are far more likely to be the targets of bullying than those who have not.


“Fast analysis found that there was a high amount of bullying reports across all levels of the Society,” said Count Salvadore di Mozo, committee chair. “The initial data was very concerning, as the numbers themselves were quite high, and we were concerned that we had a Society-wide problem on our hands. It was once we dug a little deeper that we really understood that we had one highly marginalized group of members that were incredibly likely to be victims, and that group is the Royal peers.”

Count Salvadore thanked the committee for digging in and said that the final report was corrected for validity. “Once we dug through all the reports, and threw out the noise you get from reports that were filed frivolously, or are otherwise invalid for our purposes, the percentages tell a different story about who the victims are in the SCA.”


Once the committee had reduced their dataset to eliminate invalid reports, the numbers became nearly reversed. Whereas in the original set of all bullying reports it appeared that only about 11 percent of the members of the populace that reported being bullied were royal peers, after the dataset was adjusted the charts showed that over three-quarters of the bullying complaints accepted as valid by the committee were lodged by Royal peers.

The committee is looking forward to presenting its corrected chart at the next BoD meeting, and Count Salvadore has been nothing but supportive of the committee members: Countess Nichola Wasshebrook, Duke Aeneas Drables, Viscount Diego Martín Carrillo, and Duchess Griselda Mawchlyn.

“We’re very troubled by our findings,” His Excellency concluded. “Most people in the SCA, I think, don’t appreciate that the Royal peers are the real victims here.”

Advice · From the Newsroom · Laurel · Peerage

Goody Advice: New People, exclusion, and more

Dear Goody Advice,
I brought a friend to their first event and someone told them their garb was all wrong. They left crying and never want to come back. What do I do?
-Embarrassed by Assholes

Dear Embarrassed,

Start by finding a few calm and well respected people and ask them to be witnesses, then track down the offender. Second, explain in calm, clear terms the repercussions of their careless words to another person. Third, offer them a selection of ways to apologize: write an apologetic letter, fill out a very sincere apology card, or give a verbal apology on video that you can deliver to your friend. You can helpfully offer an apology card or paper and pen to record their apology for them to expedite the process. Lastly, thank them in advance for proving what a good SCAdian they are for doing this and how much you will respect them for making this right. You don’t have to mean that last part, you only need be convincing. Make sure to gesture toward or look at your respected witnesses often during the encounter.

Hope this helps!

-Goody Advice

Dear Goody,
It feels like the people in my local group are actively excluding me. What should I do?

Dear Excluded,

I do apologize as this will not be a brief answer- it is more of an “choose your own adventure” response. You are right, they probably are excluding you in some 90% of situations, however you have options aplenty! 

  • * Take time to cultivate new relationships within your group or perhaps let some old bygones be truly gone and finally settle old rifts like the grown up you are. 
  • * You can attempt asking for positions at events like working at gate or in a kitchen which will help your group organically get to know you through your deeds and maybe then they’ll include you. 
  • * Another thought is that you might not be correctly interpreting group invites to include yourself because you feel like you are an outsider. Others might like you, but not want to freak you out with multiple direct invitations. If there is a group revel or sewing day: just go because you ARE part of the group already and just might need a better perspective. 
  • * Your local group may unfortunately just be a bag of dicks and being excluded is doing you a tremendous favor. Find the next group over and try them out for size. 
  • Not recommended is the Bull in China Shop method where you decide to crash in and level everything to suit you. Should you enter that arena, beware the matador and toreador as they will be waiting with just as much intent as you. This method rarely ends well.

Lastly, take some time to really reflect, meditate and truly marinate upon this deepest of queries: Am I the asshole? If you discover that you are the root cause of your exclusion, congratulations, you are the only person who can remedy that problem by working to become a better person and member of the society. 

If none of these appeal to you, well you can always Blair Witch stare into a corner at events and have your very own society of one. 

I hope you choose your right adventure,

-Goody Advice

Dear Goody Advice,
I have just been elevated to the Laurel. Can you tell me, as a new peer, how I can go forward into the SCA and not be an asshole? 
New Leaves in Caid

Dear New Leaves,

I would like you to remember every peer who treated you like crap, gave cruel judgment in art/sci, turned away from helping someone, complained but did not solve, posted horrifying things on social media, ignored people, had agendas and caused trouble, or looked upon others with disdain. I want you to remember every word, every face, every action, every written word and then, make this your mantra: I will be their opposite. 

You already know precisely and painfully how Laurels and others can be assholes and you have likely learned a lot on your journey. Now, you can take all of those shitty lessons and be the Peer who you wish was there when those things happened. That Peer is now you. 

Get going, you have an awful lot of work to do, but I believe in you. It’s time to work now.

Hope this helps,

-Goody Advice

Caid · Defense · Peerage · Rapier Combat

New requirements put in place for Masters of Defense: At least three square yards of lace per garment

BARONY OF CALAFIA, CAID – The SCAllion has received word from an anonymous tip that new requirements are being put in place for all Masters of Defense going forward: At least three square yards of lace per garment, no exceptions. Our information source stated that someone said, quote: “Hey, we’re just codifying what all these fops are already doing, at least for the most part. Are we asking too much? No, we don’t think so. We think we’re making it easier for our MoDs to look the part, as it were.”

Master Hildegarde von der Copenhagenstrasse replied to the new requirements: “Three yards? Pssht, child’s play. If anyone for one second thinks I would dare go out in public without at least that much lace, then they just don’t know me.”

Other Masters of Defense we contacted didn’t want to be quoted on the record, but the overwhelming response can be summed up as “Why are they being so restrictive?” The SCAllion looks forward with anticipation to how this new requirement will not affect anything about the presence or perception of the Order of Defense in the future.

Artemisia · Board of Directors · Ealdormere · Heraldry · Peerage · Pelican

Order of the Pelican changes symbol to albatross

BARONY OF ONE THOUSAND EYES, ARTEMISIA – At their annual conclave this past weekend, the Order of the Pelican approved a bold new proposal to change the name and insignia of their order from Pelican to Albatross. The new symbol, narrowly beating out the Ostrich and the Dodo, was deemed the perfect choice to encapsulate the ideals of the Order in its current form.

Order secretary Dame Lemmie Duit Miwhey, of Ealdormere, explained the reasoning behind the proposal. “If you think about it, the symbol of the pelican is a terrible one for a service order. Rather than going out to find fish and bringing it back to her young, the pelican in her piety instead stabs herself in the breast and tries to feed her own blood to her children. Not only is it gross, but it also encourages in our protégés the least effective and most harmful techniques of service. And we do that well enough on our own, thank you very much!”

Dame Lemmie went on to explain how the new symbol was much more appropriate for the Order. “It’s still a bloody seabird hung around our necks, but this new symbol borrows from ‘The Rime of the Ancient Mariner.’ Like the poem’s narrator, we all saw membership in the Order to be a stroke of luck when we were first offered, but have since come to see it as a burden that we regret undertaking, a mark of shame that causes everyone else to blame us for things going wrong. It’s been this way since I was elevated decades ago, and it’s time we were honest about it with the rest of the Knowne World.”

Public reactions to this new proposal were mixed. Many disapproved of changing anything about the Society, with the Crown of the West declaring “It was good enough in 1966, and it’s good eno…wait, when was the Pelican created again?” Other critics questioned the new symbol, calling the Albatross a “glorified seagull” and “a pretentious post-period literary reference” that “was so dramatic that it was better suited to the Laurels.”

However, most commenters have embraced the new branding for the Order. “I like the new name and symbols! They feel more honest. Beautiful, really. I feel like I can relate to a name like that,” said Albert Ross, exchequer for the Shire of Stonegate.

Changes to Corpora and kingdom law will be put into place in coming months to reflect the newly rebranded Order of the Albatross. In the meantime, heralds of all kingdoms are advised to rework their scripts into common meter, and incorporate the new regalia: An albatross displayed inverted, vulned of a crossbow bolt, trussed and hung from a hemp rope collar.

The SCAllion reached out to the Board of Directors for comment, but per ancient and perhaps honorable tradition, have received no reply.