Tag: Ansteorra

Ansteorra · Defense · King · Rapier Combat

Kingdom of Ansteorra to decide next Rapier Champion with hot chilies eating contest

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STRONGHOLD OF HELLSGATE, ANSTEORRA – The SCAllion was lucky to land the exclusive news that the kingdom of Ansteorra has made the momentous decision to choose their next Rapier Champion with a hot chilies eating contest.

Crown Prince Sir Archebold fitz John, known modernly as a locally famous restaurateur, came up with the idea which he then floated to the Crown and Kingdom Seneschal. Upon receiving the go ahead, he commented: “This is going to be a groundbreaking event for our great kingdom. We have so many incredible fighters, any of whom could win a traditional Rapier Championship, but how many of them can stand the capsicum? Well, we’re going to find out. This Rapier Tournament, sponsored by Crazy Archie’s Barbecue and Taco Emporium, will truly decide who in our kingdom can stand the heat! We’re also in talks with First We Feast’s Sean Evans for the eventual victor to appear on a future episode of Hot Ones.”

Rapier fighters were skeptical of His Highness’ idea, with some storming out of a recent Masters of Defense meeting in protest. Master Odalric Chastelose was quoted as saying: “Rapier Champs is sacred! It’s supposed to be decided by who is the best fighter, who can take the most pain! No, not like that…”

At last report, the Ansteorran Rapier Champs Tournament was in its 38th round with five competitors still standing. The empty crates of Carolina Reapers and Scorpion peppers are starting to clog the hallway, and there appears to be no end in sight. The SCAllion will remain on site until the bitter end to report on the results of this latest Rapier Champs Tournament.

An Tir · Ansteorra · Board of Directors · Calontir · Community Standards · East · Editorial · From the Newsroom · Lochac · Meridies · Midrealm · Northshield · Sanctions · Trimaris

The SCAllion Guide to “Community Standards” – Part 1 in a New Series

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Given the position taken by the Board of Directors at its April 23, 2023 meeting that sanctions properly can be imposed on SCA members for violations of unwritten “community standards,” the editors of The SCAllion have decided to provide a public service by providing examples of unwritten “community standards” in each Kingdom that visitors should be aware of, so as not to be sanctioned.  

The East:  DO NOT

  • Suggest that the Kingdom could use pre-printed scrolls for some awards;
  • Admit that you sort of hate going to Pennsic; or
  • Admit you were wrong about something on a polling discussion list (sanctions are extra likely if it’s on the Maunche list).

The Middle: DO NOT

  • Forget to bow to an empty throne;
  • Admit that you sort of hate going to Pennsic; or
  • Forget to fill out notarized paperwork in triplicate for all Society activities or gatherings.

Meridies:  DO NOT

  • Question why a squire is wearing an unadorned silver chain;
  • Suggest that a feast reasonably might cost more than $15; or
  • Overlook any of the voluminous (repeated, but still enforced) regulations for displaying banners.

Ansteorra:  DO NOT

  • Get on the wrong side of the debate over whether beans belong in chili;
  • Forget to ask a Queen, Princess or Lady of the Rose who is on the fighting or rapier field whether you have permission to hit them; or
  • Refuse the offerings of the waterbearers.

An Tir: DO NOT

  • Use more checky fabric in your garb than your station allows;
  • Let your passport lapse; or
  • Tell the Baronies of Madrone or Three Mountains that the other was founded first.

Calontir:  DO NOT

  • Express dislike of camping events;
  • Mention that you really hate singing; or
  • Have a persona from post-1400.

Northshield: DO NOT

  • Disparage hotdish;
  • Complain about the cold; or
  • Attempt to go off script from the Boke of Ceremonies

Trimaris: DO NOT

  • Suggest that an event be held at a hotel;
  •  Object to alligators in your lakes and swimming pools; or
  •  Make Dukes adhere to the rules of the list or Kingdom law.

Lochac:  DO NOT

  • Pretend as though the Order of Precedence actually matters;
  • Claim your kingdom owns Ynys Rhew (Antarctica); or
  • Make sheep jokes about the other half of the Kingdom.

Over the next several weeks, our roving reporters in the various Kingdoms will continue to compile the most notable unwritten “community standards.”  We will continue to provide this important service for as long as the Board keeps trying to enforce this utterly ridiculous and frankly insulting ruling.

Ansteorra · Board of Directors · Drachenwald · Lochac · Outlands · Pennsic War · West

Known World Royalty Propose Official SCA Standard Time

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BARONY OF BODLINGTONE, KINGDOM OF BODLANDIA — In an unprecedented move, the united royalty of the Knowne World has presented a petition to the Board demanding that they standardize time across the entire SCA.

Queen Hanna Koretskaia, acting as spokesperson for the assembled Royals, explained: “As Pennsic negotiations started and, as usual, immediately began to break down, we started to search for common ground. Any common ground. And we realized that we did have at least one thing in common: we all hated Daylight Savings Time. It wasn’t just the Pennsic principal kingdoms either. We spoke to all the Crowns of all the kingdoms, and everyone agreed, Daylight Savings Time just plain sucks. So we decided to trash it. And in talking it through, we found another problem, time zones, so we decided to fix that, too.”

The SCAllion was able to review the petition, which adopts a novel solution for dealing with the Crowns’ concerns. The Crowns propose a single “time zone,” SCA Standard Time, or SST, which will be used for all Society for Creative Anachronism events worldwide. SST will have no adjustment for Daylight Savings Time, or anything else for that matter. It will also use exclusively 24-hour clocks, although it will retain US style date formatting, over the objections of Lochac and Drachenwald, with the North American kingdoms claiming that YY-MM-DD format just “looks weird.”

“It seemed like the obvious solution, really,” said Queen Hanna. “People can set their clocks, or one of their clocks, to SST and know what time events are scheduled for wherever they are, without having to worry about travelling across time zones or,” she paused to hack and spit, “Daylight Savings Time.”

When asked if there had been any difficulty in the negotiations, Queen Hanna replied, “Just one, really. Every Kingdom wanted their home time zone to be the one used for SST, which is why we eventually settled on UTC-12:00, which is used by nobody, but does include a couple of uninhabited islands claimed by the West, which means check-in for Pennsic will begin at 0900 7/28/2023 at 0100 SST. Simple.”

“Using SST will also help us to rectify some historical injustices,” said Queen Hanna. “For instance, the Barony of the Citadel of the Southern Pass will be able to join the kingdom of Ansteorra, since the only reason it was in the Outlands in the first place was due to it being in the Mountain time zone.”

Ansteorra · archery · Combat Archery · Gulf Wars

Society Earl Marshal orders Society Archery Marshal to ban mistletoe arrows

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BARONY OF NAMRON, ANSTEORRA – This morning, an email was sent by the Society Earl Marshal Reginbold Strubel to Deputy Archery Marshal Reynallt Anghall ap Griffith and Deputy Combat Archery Marshal Joveta Cantatrix that going forward, no missile weapons are allowed to use mistletoe in their construction, effective immediately. All combat archery marshals at Gulf Wars would need to ensure that no mistletoe-based arrows or arrows with mistletoe in their construction would be going downfield.

“We have received reports that alligators are highly sensitive to mistletoe, and being an environmentally friendly organization, we want to make sure no alligators are harmed by such weapons,” said the Society Earl Marshal.

When reached for comment, the Society Combat Archery Marshal seemed a bit confused. “We have not allowed any wood for combat arrows in like 15 years, not sure what they are trying to ban. Also, is there a reason we need to not harm alligators? Don’t they eat people?”

When the statement from the Combat Archery Marshal was quoted to the SEM for further comment, he asked who that person was. “I mean, it’s not like I need to know who all these folks doing minor activities are, right?”

Ansteorra · Peerage · Pelican · Service

Service Martyr Spontaneously Combusts; Source of fire determined to be lack of recognition

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BARONY OF RAVEN’S FORT ANSTEORRA – Noted service martyr, Lady Beatrice Millerchip, went up in flames on Sunday, following a closing court in which she was, yet again, not put on vigil to join the Order of the Pelican.

Witnesses report that she quickly exited court and immediately began gathering assorted pieces of wood around the site. Lady Beatrice is said to have expressed shock at the general lack of gratitude. “The least Their Majesties could have done was call me up and recognize me personally for my contributions as part of the gate crew and serving staff. I’ve been stuck volunteering in those roles off-and-on for the last five years,” Lady Beatrice was heard to say, as she began creating a small, raised platform.

Members of Lady Beatrice’s home barony note that in addition to her service as part of event teams, she was renowned for organizing and undertaking service initiatives at local events without informing event stewards. Lady Beatrice reportedly remarked, “I knew the event stewards didn’t want me to pester them with silly details, even if my initiatives did end up conflicting with official event volunteers.”

Witnesses say Lady Beatrice added kerosene to the wooden platform she had built before adding, “Every Pelican-level volunteer such as myself knows to do what needs to be done. If I needed to ask for permission, I wouldn’t be as selfless a volunteer as I am. Take, for instance, this pyre. I built this pyre for the use of the barony! Nobody asked me to do it, but I saw a need and went ahead with it, fire regulations be damned!”

There was a minor scuffle as passers-by attempted to prevent Lady Beatrice from climbing to the top of her pyre. Onlookers were horrified to see that she carried a box of matches. It is reported that she then lit a match and threw it onto the pyre beneath her. As the ignited pyre began to burn, witnesses heard her scream, “I GIVE AND I GIVE AND NONE OF YOU RECOGNIZE MY SERVICE! ALTHOUGH I’VE BEEN GENERALLY THANKED EVERY TIME I SERVE, I KNOW THAT NONE OF YOU ACTUALLY MEANT IT, SINCE THANKS ONLY COUNTS WHEN THEIR MAJESTIES GIVE IT INDIVIDUALLY! I COULD BE HAVING FUN AT EVENTS LIKE THE REST OF YOU, BUT INSTEAD I CHOOSE TO BE MISERABLE AND I DO IT ALL FOR YOU! ”

Gunnar Magnusson is credited with marshaling firefighting efforts and saving the site. Sources say that, although new to the society, his actions have gotten the attention of certain notable Pelicans who are currently fighting over who gets to take him as protégé. The Order of the Pelican has not immediately responded to requests for comment.

Ansteorra · Armored Combat · Rapier Combat

New Rubber Band Gun Registry

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BARONY OF STARGATE, KINGDOM OF ANSTEORRA – In a surprise announcement from Ansteorra’s Kingdom Rapier Marshal John ‘Swifty’ Pointyboots, Ansteorra will require registering rubber band guns and issue serial numbers to them.

This unusual move, given the nature of real world gun laws of the kingdom, shocked many. When asked for an explanation as to why this decision was made, Ansteorra’s Rapier Marshal said: “There has been a significant increase in ghost rubber band guns crossing the border into our kingdom. These ghost guns may not be compliant nor safe to use in rapier melee and it was decided that some action needed to be taken to protect our citizens.” A follow up question about the availability of actual firearms and the dangers these posed to citizens of Ansteorra was met with a terse “No comment”.

Beginning April 1 of this year, all residents of Ansteorra who own a rubber band gun will have to register it with the kingdom. If it has no serial number, one will be assigned to the rubber band gun and is required to be legibly marked on the rubber band gun itself. Ownership of the rubber band gun will be tracked in any sale to another individual.

A.P. Tracer, a noted rubber band gun advocate, spoke out against the restriction. “There are several problems here. A rubber band shot off the finger is not addressed, only the rubber band gun itself. Such a restriction violates our rights. We may have to resort to zip guns and linoleum squares like they did in the 1950’s, which are far more difficult to control and manufacture.”

The kingdom Rapier Marshal stated that a website will be posted soon for members to register their rubber band gun.

Ansteorra · Defense · Rapier Combat

Unfashionable Ansteorran fencer asked to leave practice, improve garb

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BARONY OF BJORNSBORG, ANSTEORRA – Last month, Sweyn Ravensfriend, left his local baronial fencing practice outraged and hurt. Unimpressed by his attire of a simple Norse tunic and gray pajama bottoms, the other combatants asked him to leave and consider using his time to improve his appearance.

“I couldn’t believe it! I went to a few heavy fighter practices before I decided it wasn’t really for me, but no one said anything about my clothes down there.” He continued, fighting back tears, “then I went to try fencing and my second time trying it, they asked me to leave?! I mean, screw those guys!”

Master of Defense Gustavo San Pedro runs the weekly meet-up. “Both inside and outside of the list field, we represent the entire rapier community and the Queen. It is important that we all look our very best at all times. We have a hard enough time as it is being taken seriously, so it is crucial that fencers dress to impress.” He paused for a moment to remove his wide brimmed hat with no less than a dozen large ostrich plumes. “I understand that he’s upset, but each and every one of us had to learn this lesson too. And now look, we finally have our own peerage, and we are, hands down, the best looking part of the SCA!”

Another fencer we spoke with, going only by Xavier, expressed his sympathies. “Yeah, it sucks. I get it, man. But if they didn’t push me to look good, I’d still be wearing a 20 year old loaner tunic.” He smiled brightly, showing off his green velvet Tudor-era doublet. “Win or lose, when you look good, you feel good, right? And what better way to honor Her Majesty than to dress our absolute best?”

Speaking with Sweyn from his home, he continued. “I was mad, yeah. But I’m starting to get it, I think. Even if I do kind of think they look like silly dancers all swishy-poking at each other. But dressed that sharp, you kinda feel like maybe that dude could kill me, ya know?” The unmistakable chugging of a sewing machine could be heard in the background. “So, I guess maybe they have a point after all.”