SHIRE OF DRAGOUN’S WEAL, GLEANN ABHANN – In a concerted effort to regulate alcohol consumption amongst reenactors, the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives raided the Mint Julep Party on the veranda at Gulf Wars. This led to a standoff between the party-goers and federal agents, with one countess wielding a broken fishbat, and the agents scratching their heads in befuddlement.
Eyewitnesses to the standoff reported that the federal agents also were not sure why they were being sent to a warzone without more protective equipment.
The annual event is held during the Rapier Ravine Battle and has become the place to see and be seen for nobility throughout the Knowne World. The federal agents were initially mistaken by the combatants on the field as an unsporting flanking maneuver, though no one was clear on which kingdom they would have sided with.
An ATF spokesperson claimed that the agency had been told there was excessive alcohol consumption in conjunction with unregulated firearms, and the raid seemed to have borne this out. When asked for a description of the firearms, the agent at the press conference held up a rubber band gun.
When asked for further comment, Duchess Helene Livingstone, seneschal of Meridies, noted that it was unusual for Gulf Wars to see federal action. However, the events of prior wars, up to and including piracy in and around American waters, made Gulf Wars a prime choice for the Bureau to attempt a crackdown.
SHIRE OF DRAGOUN’S WEAL, GLEANN ABHANN – In an extraordinarily rare move, the Crowns of the Kingdom of Gleann Abhann yesterday bestowed a Laurel on the spot to their lowly camp cook, Lord Antoni Bourdelain, for the incredibly period act of spreading dysentery throughout the Kingdom encampment over the course of the week.
The Crowns in question, King Haakon “Sluggo” Haakonsson and Queen Fronika von Bremmensteiner, were two of the early afflicted, but were so impressed with Bourdelain’s dedication to cooking and period disease spread research that they immediately called for a council of available Laurels and polled their hapless cook on the spot. Those who could be torn away from the Port-a-Castles were quick to agree that they too were impressed with Lord Antoni’s persistence.
When asked for comment, now-Master Bourdelain said “Well shucks, I’m just trying to make the best sushi this good ole boy can. Training? Naw, never had none of that, but I sure can noodle me some catfish, and they grow them suckers big down here”. Inspectors from the Lumberton health department and the Mississippi State Department of Health, as well as officials from the USDA, have been on site for the last two days and are still investigating.
Lost at war- sense of proportion. Please return to northeast corner of Duvant & Queens.
Urgent, missing- Sekrit Ingredients! Must be returned to Ansteorra before 3pm Wed. Chili night depends on it!
Found: faux Elvis. Left in Grey Niche by mistake. If yours, please claim.
Someone stole our mint! If you have spare mint, please bring it by Calontir before the rapier ravine battle.
Whoever hired the band to play outside the green dragon last night to interrupt the performance inside: you knave. I will meet you in front of the castle gate at dawn. Bring your second.
EPC seeks impeccably & appropriately dressed small urchin to pump smith bellows
Lost at war: Direction. If found, please return to the big striped sunshade at the south end of… wait, no, east? Uh, does anyone have a map?
Offered- half a kingdom and the hand of a princess*, in return for guaranteed glorious war weather, no rain, no frost, no disabling heat. Applicants must register at Gleann Abhann royal by 9 am Wed *Pending consent and agreement of the kingdom seneschal and princess
BARONY OF NAMRON, ANSTEORRA – This morning, an email was sent by the Society Earl Marshal Reginbold Strubel to Deputy Archery Marshal Reynallt Anghall ap Griffith and Deputy Combat Archery Marshal Joveta Cantatrix that going forward, no missile weapons are allowed to use mistletoe in their construction, effective immediately. All combat archery marshals at Gulf Wars would need to ensure that no mistletoe-based arrows or arrows with mistletoe in their construction would be going downfield.
“We have received reports that alligators are highly sensitive to mistletoe, and being an environmentally friendly organization, we want to make sure no alligators are harmed by such weapons,” said the Society Earl Marshal.
When reached for comment, the Society Combat Archery Marshal seemed a bit confused. “We have not allowed any wood for combat arrows in like 15 years, not sure what they are trying to ban. Also, is there a reason we need to not harm alligators? Don’t they eat people?”
When the statement from the Combat Archery Marshal was quoted to the SEM for further comment, he asked who that person was. “I mean, it’s not like I need to know who all these folks doing minor activities are, right?”
BARONY OF BRIGHT HILLS, ATLANTIA – In emergency marshals’ meetings this week, the archery and thrown weapons marshals of Atlantia have voted to form a union and to go on strike if their demands are not met.
Their primary demand? That the Marshal in Charge is acknowledged as the only authority after God on the range while the activity is in progress.
“This is very much a safety item,” said Mistress Beatrice ferch Wyn, the new union president. “And what we are demanding is that the rights of the range marshal as the ultimate authority on their range be confirmed by the Kingdom and Society Earls Marshal. This has long been the understanding of our marshallates, but recent decisions by the SEM and BoD have left too many questions in the air.”
This situation was brought about by the recent ruling of the Society Earl Marshal and the SCA Board of Directors to sanction a lifeguard for attempting to enforce Society for Creative Anachronism’s safety rules. One thrown weapons marshal on Facebook was seen to say, “We’re throwing sharp axes, knives, and spears. I don’t care if you are God Themself, if you are being a jerk on my range, I’m kicking you off for the safety of everyone else. Where the hell is my union card? I’m signing up right now.”
Kingdom Archery Marshal William Harrison supported the unionization efforts. “I have tried to get it through the heads above me that the reason we use targets rather than people is because what we use are live weapons. Thrown Weapons is in the same position. One wrong move with rattan is going to hurt, but it’s not going to be deadly. If someone violates the range safety rules, the likelihood of serious injury is extremely high. If my marshals want to go on strike until their right to ensure the safety for all participants is acknowledged, I will stand on that picket line with them.”
The movement seems to have kicked off similar efforts in other kingdoms, but no one else has yet put it to the vote.
Neither the Board of Directors or the office of the Society Earl Marshal had responded to requests for comment by press time. One member of the SEM’s staff, however, had posted to his facebook, “So who cares if there isn’t archery or thrown weapons at Gulf Wars? It’s not like it’s fighting.”
SHIRE OF DRAGOUN’S WEAL, GLEANN ABHANN, GULF WARS – In the face of an aging populace, Gulf Wars event stewards have adjusted the hours of the traditional “Midnight Madness” sale to end at 10 p.m. on Wednesday.
“Merchants have been telling us for a couple of years now that their foot traffic really drops off after about 9:30 p.m., even on Wednesday,” said Mistress Sarah Cook, the Gulf Wars Merchant Coordinator. “The consensus was this year that even the merchants would rather have the foot traffic earlier and get to bed at a reasonable hour.”
Duchess Emmeline of Gleann Abhann agreed. “We’re not the party people we once were,” she told us. “My lord and I really prefer our nightly routine of being in bed by about 10:00. I’ll read while he watches part of A Lion in Winter on his phone and we’re asleep by 10:30.”
In related news, The SCAllion expects the Knowne World Party to offer an exclusive, discounted menu from 4:30-6PM for attendees who joined before AS XXXII.