BARONY OF POLITARCHOPOLIS, LOCHAC — Chaos erupted at a small feast in Politarchopolis this week, as one of the diners was removed from the hall by the Baronial guard from the Barony of Ynys Fawr. It is understood that the gentle in question has been accused of crimes against the small island Barony’s navy.
The gentle in question, Burghermeister Jack the Hungry, made the following statement as he was being escorted from the feasting hall: “My lords, my ladies, this is feudalism manifest. Have a look at the pike-work here, I see that you know your Talhoffer well,” before demanding that those around him not touch any of his peanuts — though he later described the peanuts as “limp”.
On his exit, he complimented the parts of the feast which he was able to sample, describing it as a “succulent Politarchopolan meal”.
The captain of the Ynys Fawr Baronial Guard, Lord Harald inn Heill, told The SCAllion that the charges against Burghermeister Jack are related to a number of deficiencies in a ship that he sold to the Ynys Fawr Naval Squadron. “I suppose the biggest problem with the ship is that the prow fell off.
Admiral Angharad Crwban, head of the Ynys Fawr Naval Squadron, released a statement saying, “How long may she float with ships like this? It seems to have been made largely of cardboard and cardboard derivatives, and as a result 20 Ynys Fawr sailors were dumped into the sea.”
Do you have a burning question about a situation that happened in the SCA and want to ask Goody? You can write to Goody at this form. Questions may be truncated for publication, and submitted questions may not be answered.
Dear Goody, I pride myself on being a feast cook who makes sure no one goes home hungry from anything I cook, and I make sure that the posted menu always says “the cook begs that you tell them about food sensitivities so that they can accommodate at [email].” A couple of weeks ago, someone complained after feast that they couldn’t eat anything but dessert. I posted the menu over a month in advance, I asked people to email me about food issues. This person didn’t talk to me beforehand or even at the event – they complained to my servers. And with their stated food issues, they should have been able to eat everything but the dessert. It hurts me that I had someone go home hungry, is there anything else I could have done? -Compulsive Cook
Dear Cook,
You are an incredibly careful and considerate cook who goes above and beyond to feed your diners, even if they have difficulties with various ingredients. What you are not is a mind reader or omniscient deity of food who can rain down precise nectar and ambrosia. You are doing all that you should and then some, but it is not your problem if an attendee cannot take responsibility for themselves.
Our volunteer culture often lavishes the most remarkable foods and best service upon our SCA diners. However, there are those who repeatedly forget that they are getting an incredible meal for less than $20 a person, and that no one making or serving the meal is being paid for their work. As a cook, you do not work for these people. Rather, you create an experience of flavor and time and culture with your body, mind and soul and at the end most will be thankful, but there’s always ‘those people’ who will bitch.
If anyone complains to your servers about food, remind them that they are not in a resturaunt. If they still have complaints, give them their allotment of food on a tray and ask them to excuse themselves so everyone else can continue enjoying the meal. They aren’t paying you. They aren’t tipping your servers. They are not going to blast your business on Yelp. Just boot them.
Personal responsibility, care, consideration and manners are for everyone, not just event staff.
Hope this helps,
-Goody Advice
Dear Goody, I’m an Olympic level fencer. Been playing about 8 months or so, mainly while serving as Queen’s Champion. I got authorized during the week before that event. My question: I should be expecting to be made a MoD at step down, right? -Mighty Sword
Dear Mighty,
Mighty may be the sword, but mightier is the pen so please, read closely. Your prowess is delightful. It really is. Everyone is quite impressed by it. However, prowess and fighting does not (or should not) a Peer make. If this were just about sword prowess, you would still be standing in an echoing gymnasium full of white jacketed fencers or an empty field of sweaty and dusty fighters with sticks of rattan. However, you chose this medieval club and want to become a member of its highest awarded ranks.
A Peer must possess prowess in their primary form (fighting, art or service) but also be an adept leader who understands the SCA on a deeper level. Peers should know how to negotiate the Society’s requirements and needs to make local groups, events and Kingdoms happen. Otherwise, there is no SCA. Peers are often called up to hold offices and run events when others are unable or unwilling. So are the people who should be Peers, but that is for other advice.
Peers should teach. Without moving their primary form to the next generation of the Society, a person has merely been a bright flash. What we need is small fires that are kindled and added to, expanding into communities with teaching and inclusion. Peers start things that grow and take root, changing the SCA. This is often the path to peerage, not just the role of a Peer.
Peers must also be known. Your renown in prowess, leadership and training others in these fields should take your name far beyond you local group. This does not require a constant spotlight, but it does mean a bit of time and not being a dick. Consider that as you move forward in the Society and meet new people. You are constantly creating an impression and that memory will follow you for many years to come.
So no, you will likely not be a MOD at the upcoming event. Hopefully you now have a better understanding of what the populace, peerages and Crown will be looking for in you and can move forward with a deeper understanding.
Hope this helps,
-Goody Advice
Dear Goody, I came out to my SCA friends as being trans and with that came a change in pronouns. That was several years ago, but I keep getting people insisting that my pronouns are the ones they think I should use. I’m tearing my hair out and about to sell off my gear and start raising goats in my backyard. How do I deal with people who don’t respect who I am? -They
Dear They,
Individuals can legally change their last names when they get married and SCAdians sometimes change names and personas like the seasons. If your ‘friends’ cannot try, and try hard, to address you correctly, then are ‘they’ the sort of friends who ‘you’ should put your trust, care, effort and time into? Of course, people will make mistakes and slip up. I bet you understand that and are kind to them, even if you have to clench your jaw a bit.
Moving to they/them pronouns seems to be especially hard for many people to grasp because they have little experience with not gendering a person or, it can be linguistically awkward at first. Still, these are small barriers to break through. The issue of properly addressing a friend, no matter the name or pronoun comes down to being a good, kind and thoughtful friend. If someone wants to change, they can but may need help. If they ask for help, try to be lenient and teach. If someone does not want to change, well, it does become a bit glaringly obvious, no?
Make the choices that are best for ‘you’, not for ‘them’ even if it may mean a few less ‘friends’. To be very honest, in the end you will still have precisely the same number of friends. It will just be more obvious.
SHIRE OF PONT ALARCH, PRINCIPALITY OF INSULAE DRACONIS, DRACHENWALD – Mistress Hildegard von Bongen, a cooking Laurel from a shire which is located in the north of England, has praised the effect that Brexit has had on the authenticity of feasts in the Principality.
At a class at a recent University event, she told attendees, “Before Brexit, people were very casual about the authenticity of the feasts they served. It was, frankly, a bit slapdash. They would talk about wanting people to ‘enjoy the feast’ and that medieval recipes were boring. Brexit has forced them to level up their planning. Not only are tomatoes impossible to find in England right now, but most New World foods have become so expensive that they are also off the menu.”
She went on to point out that the UK environment secretary, Thérèse Coffey, has already told modern Britons they should “be eating turnips right now, rather than thinking necessarily about aspects of lettuce and tomatoes” and SCA cooks should be doing the same.
She then outlined her plan for a feast to be served at the next Principality Coronet tourney which featured turnips prepared nine different ways.
RIDING OF HOLLEKE TOR, KINGDOM OF AETHER — o hai. i iz in ur newz sauce, typin ur artical. teh news haz com to Teh SCAllion taht a verreh gud kitteh wuz not given fish.
teh hoomans at teh feest wuz eateding teh fish, but teh kitteh wuz not aloud any of teh fish. teh kitteh wuz bein verreh gud an wuz not even aloud to gib teh fish a sniff or a lik. teh humans eated it all and teh littul kitteh did not eated any.
lolcal spokeskitteh says, “iz verreh sad. teh kitteh’s food bowl haz nuffink in it but bikkits, teh kitteh is starve.”
investimigashuns bai Teh SCAllion reveeleded dat teh kitteh had not bean fed in at leest foar yeers or maybeh an Eternitys. hoomans is denyings dis, says dat teh kitteh wuz fed firty minz ago.
teh hooman is sayings, “Get off my keyboard, you! Shoo!” dey is refoozing to commented on teh fish sitchuashion.
the SCAllion 
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