BARONY OF POLITARCHOPOLIS, LOCHAC — Chaos erupted at a small feast in Politarchopolis this week, as one of the diners was removed from the hall by the Baronial guard from the Barony of Ynys Fawr. It is understood that the gentle in question has been accused of crimes against the small island Barony’s navy.
The gentle in question, Burghermeister Jack the Hungry, made the following statement as he was being escorted from the feasting hall: “My lords, my ladies, this is feudalism manifest. Have a look at the pike-work here, I see that you know your Talhoffer well,” before demanding that those around him not touch any of his peanuts — though he later described the peanuts as “limp”.
On his exit, he complimented the parts of the feast which he was able to sample, describing it as a “succulent Politarchopolan meal”.
The captain of the Ynys Fawr Baronial Guard, Lord Harald inn Heill, told The SCAllion that the charges against Burghermeister Jack are related to a number of deficiencies in a ship that he sold to the Ynys Fawr Naval Squadron. “I suppose the biggest problem with the ship is that the prow fell off.
Admiral Angharad Crwban, head of the Ynys Fawr Naval Squadron, released a statement saying, “How long may she float with ships like this? It seems to have been made largely of cardboard and cardboard derivatives, and as a result 20 Ynys Fawr sailors were dumped into the sea.”
BARONY OF STORVIK, ATLANTIA – CNN reports that Republican Congressman George Santos has been charged by the United States Department of Justice in a federal criminal probe.
The indictment is sealed, so it is unclear whether The SCAllion‘s allegations that Santos falsely claimed various positions in the Society for Creative Anachronism including multiple reigns as King of Lochac are included in the charges. The SCAllion will be monitoring this story carefully.
As a follow-up to the original story, the Lochac College of Heralds responded back to Representative Santos’ claims as a prior king of Lochac. Barunin Carolina Faustina von Cologne, Mouse Volant Herald and representative of the Lochac College of Heralds stated, “While we have intensely researched Mr. Santos’ claims, it seems that while he insists that he is what he says he is, we can’t quite seem to locate him within Canon Lore, nor has he contacted Canon Herald, who maintains our order of precedence. Frankly, he got lost on a Maccas run, so, while we’re off the record, I think he’s just trying to pass a furphy around.”
Until a time where the indictment is unsealed, The SCAllion will continue to assume that lying about being Crown of a Society affiliate is not against community standards.
BARONY OF POLITARCHOPOLIS, LOCHAC – The Crown Prince and Princess of Lochac, Ruodeger Angist and Kiterna de Kaxtone, have stated that they were inspired by the example of King Charles III of England to call for all members of the Kingdom to swear an oath of allegiance at their upcoming coronation. “We thought it would be fun,” said Prince Ruodeger, “and since Charles had already scheduled his Coronation on top of ours, we felt fine about nicking his idea.”
The idea has not been well received, either in the UK or in Lochac. However, it seems likely that more people would be willing to swear such an oath in Lochac than in the UK, since a SCAllion poll suggests that as many as 15 Lochacians said they might consider it, which is a significantly higher number than in the United Kingdom.
The most common response on the poll in both Lochac and the UK was “I’m on smoko, leave me alone.”
The Kingdom of Avacal also has a coronation in May, and The SCAllion asked them to comment. Oddly enough, they didn’t seem to care. The East does not have a coronation in May. The SCAllion did not ask them to comment, but they keep calling and leaving messages on our voicemail saying that the East, too, is on smoko.
Do you have a burning question about a situation that happened in the SCA and want to ask Goody? You can write to Goody at this form. Questions may be truncated for publication, and submitted questions may not be answered.
Dear Goody, I’m a brand new SCAdian, and I want to help out as much as I can. The only problem is that people in my local group and my kingdom won’t let me help. I volunteered to embroider the new royal pillows, and I was told no, even though I’m an award-winning embroiderer outside of the SCA. I asked if I could help in the kitchen for events, but I got turned away. I promise that I’m just really excited to get in and help, but no one is letting me do it. What do I do? -Excited to Assist!
First, let’s take a nice deep breath. Being new is hard! You are working to break in to a fairly tight knit community and sometimes if you lead with your arts and offers swinging, it will scare the hell out of people. You see, no one is supposed to be that excited to do an onerous project or hard work so you might want to start by dialing down the volume on your enthusiasm just a wee bit until you get your feet wet in this new community. First you have to meet people and let them know that you are A) sane B) pleasant or kind or interesting to work with C) competent in the arena where you have offered your help and D) someone they want to work with and E) not going to make them completely nuts with drama.
Have you ever been part of a group and someone new has showed up with a really big personality or a scary amount of enthusiasm and everyone shies back from the new waves in the pond? You may seem a bit like a boulder tossed in to placid waters if you come off to strongly. So, back up a few paces and wade in a little slower.
If you want to embroider, put together a photo portfolio of your work and start meeting the string people on a local and kingdom level. Show them what you can do and volunteer for a small task first. Complete that task in a timely manner with high quality results and play well with the rest of the community. If this is within your capabilities, they will want you back. Instead of showing up and trying to get deep into a kitchen with what is probably a very tight knit crew making feast, instead start by offering to do simpler tasks that make their lives easier. Offer to help with dishes, vegetable chopping and other entry level tasks.
Show people that you are reasonable and able to perform the service you have offered by your deeds, not just your excitement. Each time you come back and help, your word fame will grow and people will learn to trust you when you make an offer of assistance. With trust comes acceptance and greater responsibility. Just ease in and you will find your welcome once you prove that you can live up to your offers.
Hope this helps,
Dear Goody, I’m really worried about my friend. I think she’s an Awardaholic. She volunteers a ton, which is just part of why she’s fantastic, but if her contributions aren’t formally recognized in court with a scroll, it really seems to take a toll on her mental health. I want to help her get back to enjoying the SCA for more than just getting gold stars. Do you have any suggestions? -Concerned
Well, this one is a bit tough, because everyone has their own language in which they best give and receive appreciation. Some volunteers best thrive on public thanks and rewards for their work. It’s just how our weird brains are wired. This is one you need to address directly, as a friend. Gently, so gently, let your friend know why you are concerned, how much you respect and appreciate them, and offer to help them find a way to reward themselves because you want them to stay for the long journey.
A service or project scrapbook or blog can help document projects or achievements and help your friend build a body of work portfolio. This is something that they can look back on later and remember all of their hard work and successes and record who thanked them, gave them a token, or if they received an award for their efforts. Even just a journal or photo gallery that can be kept on a digital photo frame at home can serve as an incredible reminder of the difference on person has made and how they have been appreciated already. When you have this to look upon all the time, it’s easier to see how you are being thanked without awards and what difference you have made.
Hope this helps,
Dear Goody, I tried to propose a US Board of Directors Meeting drinking game, but people told me I might die of alcohol poisoning. How do I tell them I’m not an alcoholic, just Australian? – Mulling over my cider
In Australia specifically, play this drinking game with a Coopers Pale Ale and not an espresso martini, even if you live in Melbourne, because you will die. Get your cappuccino in the morning to save yourself some hangovers and regrets.
As for your reasons, you don’t need to explain. We understand all too well.
Given the position taken by the Board of Directors at its April 23, 2023 meeting that sanctions properly can be imposed on SCA members for violations of unwritten “community standards,” the editors of The SCAllion have decided to provide a public service by providing examples of unwritten “community standards” in each Kingdom that visitors should be aware of, so as not to be sanctioned.
The East: DO NOT
Suggest that the Kingdom could use pre-printed scrolls for some awards;
Admit that you sort of hate going to Pennsic; or
Admit you were wrong about something on a polling discussion list (sanctions are extra likely if it’s on the Maunche list).
The Middle: DO NOT
Forget to bow to an empty throne;
Admit that you sort of hate going to Pennsic; or
Forget to fill out notarized paperwork in triplicate for all Society activities or gatherings.
Meridies: DO NOT
Question why a squire is wearing an unadorned silver chain;
Suggest that a feast reasonably might cost more than $15; or
Overlook any of the voluminous (repeated, but still enforced) regulations for displaying banners.
Ansteorra: DO NOT
Get on the wrong side of the debate over whether beans belong in chili;
Forget to ask a Queen, Princess or Lady of the Rose who is on the fighting or rapier field whether you have permission to hit them; or
Refuse the offerings of the waterbearers.
An Tir: DO NOT
Use more checky fabric in your garb than your station allows;
Let your passport lapse; or
Tell the Baronies of Madrone or Three Mountains that the other was founded first.
Calontir: DO NOT
Express dislike of camping events;
Mention that you really hate singing; or
Have a persona from post-1400.
Northshield: DO NOT
Complain about the cold; or
Attempt to go off script from the Boke of Ceremonies
Trimaris: DO NOT
Suggest that an event be held at a hotel;
Object to alligators in your lakes and swimming pools; or
Make Dukes adhere to the rules of the list or Kingdom law.
Lochac: DO NOT
Pretend as though the Order of Precedence actually matters;
Claim your kingdom owns Ynys Rhew (Antarctica); or
Make sheep jokes about the other half of the Kingdom.
Over the next several weeks, our roving reporters in the various Kingdoms will continue to compile the most notable unwritten “community standards.” We will continue to provide this important service for as long as the Board keeps trying to enforce this utterly ridiculous and frankly insulting ruling.
BARONY OF POLITARCHOPOLIS, LOCHAC — Tourney-watchers were surprised at the recent Baronial Rapier Championship Tourney in the Barony of Politarchopolis when a previously unknown combatant came out of nowhere to win the prize. Demonstrating unusual speed and stamina, the newly-authorized fencer calling themselves Skippe Tailforth defeated all comers, including a number of Masters of Defense, to claim the Baronial Championship.
Jaws dropped to the floor, however, when the new Champion doffed their mask and revealed themselves to be an Eastern Grey Kangaroo dressed in the finest middle class Elizabethan garb!
After consulting the rules of the list and of the tourney, and speaking hurriedly with their Excellencies of Politarchopolis, Maestro Christofalo Valaresso, outgoing Champion and Marshal in Charge of the event nevertheless declared Skippe the winner and new Baronial Champion. In a post-tourney interview with The SCAllion, Maestro Christofalo explained, “There’s honestly nothing in the rules of the list or of the Society that say that combatants have to be human. Skippe went through the proper authorization process, conducted themselves honorably, and won the tourney fair and square. I’m happy to welcome them to the Lochac rapier community.” After glancing a few times over his shoulder, he added, “Anyway, I’d rather have a larrikin ‘roo who plays by the rules than some galah of a Duke that doesn’t, any day.”
Baroness Zubayda al-khayyāta of Politarchopolis was very pleased with her new Rapier Champion, telling The SCAllion’s on site reporter, “Skippe is a wonderful example of the sort of new SCAdians we can attract now that we are committed to welcoming personae from all over the world. I’m pretty chuffed.”
In an exclusive interview with The SCAllion, Skippe Tailforth explained what brought them to the Society for Creative Anachronism. “Hey, my mate Bruce had such a ripper of a time on the field at [Rowany] Festival that I just had to have a crack at this fencing thing. Everyone’s been ridgy-didge bonza. I reckon you’ll be seeing a lot of the ‘roo mob coming out to play from here on out.”
News of Skippe’s win was met with amusement and delight throughout Lochac. Meanwhile, the U.S. Board of Directors is said to be hastily writing new language for Corpora in order to keep actual rhinos out of Crown Tourneys everywhere.
BARONY OF BODLINGTONE, KINGDOM OF BODLANDIA — In an unprecedented move, the united royalty of the Knowne World has presented a petition to the Board demanding that they standardize time across the entire SCA.
Queen Hanna Koretskaia, acting as spokesperson for the assembled Royals, explained: “As Pennsic negotiations started and, as usual, immediately began to break down, we started to search for common ground. Any common ground. And we realized that we did have at least one thing in common: we all hated Daylight Savings Time. It wasn’t just the Pennsic principal kingdoms either. We spoke to all the Crowns of all the kingdoms, and everyone agreed, Daylight Savings Time just plain sucks. So we decided to trash it. And in talking it through, we found another problem, time zones, so we decided to fix that, too.”
The SCAllion was able to review the petition, which adopts a novel solution for dealing with the Crowns’ concerns. The Crowns propose a single “time zone,” SCA Standard Time, or SST, which will be used for all Society for Creative Anachronism events worldwide. SST will have no adjustment for Daylight Savings Time, or anything else for that matter. It will also use exclusively 24-hour clocks, although it will retain US style date formatting, over the objections of Lochac and Drachenwald, with the North American kingdoms claiming that YY-MM-DD format just “looks weird.”
“It seemed like the obvious solution, really,” said Queen Hanna. “People can set their clocks, or one of their clocks, to SST and know what time events are scheduled for wherever they are, without having to worry about travelling across time zones or,” she paused to hack and spit, “Daylight Savings Time.”
When asked if there had been any difficulty in the negotiations, Queen Hanna replied, “Just one, really. Every Kingdom wanted their home time zone to be the one used for SST, which is why we eventually settled on UTC-12:00, which is used by nobody, but does include a couple of uninhabited islands claimed by the West, which means check-in for Pennsic will begin at 0900 7/28/2023 at 0100 SST. Simple.”
“Using SST will also help us to rectify some historical injustices,” said Queen Hanna. “For instance, the Barony of the Citadel of the Southern Pass will be able to join the kingdom of Ansteorra, since the only reason it was in the Outlands in the first place was due to it being in the Mountain time zone.”
BARONY OF INNILGARD, LOCHAC – Lady Winifred Chanter started preparing for Lochac’s Rowany Festival over the weekend. The almost week-long event occurs surrounding Easter, and like the Interkingdom Wars, takes significant preparation and planning. So Lady Winifred began with taking inventory of clothing pieces for her family of three. And panicked.
Somehow, she, her wife, and their 16 year old daughter had more than sufficient clothing for the six days, including weather changes, camp setup and teardown, messy classes, and court. In fact, her daughter who had claimed hand-me-downs from both her parents as well as newer pieces of her own, had an excess of appropriate clothing.
Since this has not happened before in the 15 years the family has been in the Society for Creative Anachronism, Lady Winifred could not imagine that this state of affairs was correct and posted on Facebook, asking other people if this had ever happened to them. The answers were only somewhat reassuring, as older members stated that yes, this does, eventually, occur for most people. They didn’t need to make new garb, but they strongly advised trying every piece on to see what needed mending. Sure enough, about a third of the pieces had holes at the top of gores or at the corners of gussets, small tears, or other parts that needed tacking down or sewing up.
While this means Lady Winifred is not spending the next couple of weeks frantically pulling fabric from her stash, her wife Angharad is less pleased. “First, this means that the volume of her fabric stash won’t go down this year. And second, she expects all three of us to do our own mending! I’m supposed to be prepping the camp meal plan, and that is not something that we can just pull out from the closet.”
BARONY OF ANEALA, LOCHAC — In a stunning turn of events, a winner has been declared in the debate about the Oldest College in Lochac. The Australian Board of Directors (AusBOD) has stepped in and declared the truth of which College will be officially considered the eldest of the Kingdom’s university-based groups.
For the past three decades, the College of Saint Ursula and the College of Blessed Herman the Cripple have argued about which of their groups was founded first. The paperwork on file supports one side, while claims of actual activity and delayed paperwork support the other. The debate was settled this week, however, when the AusBOD declared the College of Saint Basil the Great to be the true oldest college in Lochac.
“While the dates on paperwork may not seem to support this decision,” an AusBOD spokesperson told The SCAllion, “We made this decision based on what felt the most true, the most right. These arguments about the oldest college have brought many wars to our fair Kingdom, and we must have peace in these difficult times. Boom boom.”
Comments from representatives of the Colleges of Saint Ursula and Blessed Herman were received but deemed equally unfit for print.
BARONY OF STORMHOLD, LOCHAC – In a strange turn of events one of the largest heavy fighting tournaments in Lohac has gone Strictly Ballroom. Due to a scheduling snafu, the fighter favorite Stormhold Tournament Series event had some flashy crowd-pleasing competition.
The Australian Ballroom Federation’s Southern District’s Waratah Championships, which has taken place on the same date since 1973, had been double booked with the event’s indoor spaces.
“I couldn’t believe it,” said event steward Lady Franscisca Luhrmann, “all our planning shot because of these dancers unwilling to compromise!” Most of the combatants seemed unimpressed as well. “I was so distracted by the sequins and big hair, I couldn’t land a single wrap shot!” Duke Stephen Hastings was heard to lament.
One squire was surprisingly excited about the clash of competitions. “One of the coaches was really great!” Lord Kenneth Railings told the reporter. “He promised to show me this dance move called the Bogo Pogo. Said it could help with my offside defense!”
There’s no news yet if the Australian National Ballroom competition will conflict with Lochac Crown.