BARONY OF ADIANTUM, AN TIR — Kingdom and branch seneschals are left scrambling to undertake no end of damage control today, after a dispute between two members of the Order of the Chivalry culminated in a gruesome incident during the closing court for the Egil Skallgrimson Memorial Prize Tourney, or “Egil’s”.
At the center of the dispute is local fighter, Jǫrundr Narfason, an up-and-comer in the An Tir tournament circuit. Since he began fighting last year, Narfason has been noted to have developed informal coaching relationships with both Sir William Molyneux of Hastings and Jarlskona Guðríðr Fritjofsdottir. It has been widely assumed that Narfason would be taken as a squire by either one or the other before the end of the year.
As predicted, Sir William requested and was granted time during the closing court to announce his intention to take Narfason as his squire. Before the knight had finished his declaration, he was interrupted by Jarlskona Guðríðr, who angrily declared her intention to do the same. Onlookers reported that Narfason appeared “green around the gills” at this point. Their majesties did their best to smooth the dispute over with schtick, but the two knights were having none of it, calling for their swords and drowning out the protests of the Kingdom Earl Marshal.
Finally, His Majesty was struck by what can only be referred to as Not His Best Idea. An infrequent church-goer who is known among his fellow brethren for not having an attention span long enough to hear the point of the biblical parables, the king suggested that they look to the wisdom of Solomon in deciding who would take Narfason as squire. King Solomon, famed for his wisdom, once settled a dispute over a baby between two women, both of whom claimed to be the baby’s mother. Solomon responded by suggesting that they split the baby right down the middle and each woman could have half of the child. Not being familiar with the end of the story (in which the solution proved unnecessary) and the potential ramifications for Narfason, both Sir William and Jarlskona Guðríðr agreed to this solution. Jǫrundr Narfason, was not consulted and subsequently had to be restrained by his potential squire brothers from both knights.
When His Majesty, known for being a vocal proponent of following through immediately and the “Deeds, not Words” philosophy, demanded the Sword of State. As the Kingdom Seneschal brought him up to speed on the consequences of the proposal, His Majesty was seen to also go “green around the gills.” However, keeping true to his philosophy by proving his resolve through deed, the King made an unsuccessful attempt to follow through. Jǫrundr Narfason’s managed to evade the attempt, leaving everyone else relieved at the lack of necessary paperwork.
After the close of that disastrous court, it is reported that Sir William and Jarlskona Guðríðr decided to let bygones be bygones by going out for lunch together after leaving the site. Witnesses say that when the bill arrived, Sir William suggested they go halvsies, to which Jarlskona Guðríðr replied: “Too soon, dude.”
Friends report that Jǫrundr Narfason is on the mend and is expected to make a full, albeit slow, recovery. His doctors have declined to comment on his current condition or his ability to pass along the noble name of Narfason.
His Majesty has been suspended, pending investigations by both the local authorities and the Board of Directors, while Her Majesty has graciously agreed to finish out the remainder of their royal commitments single handedly.
Rumour has it that there is a growing vocal contingent advocating for the Solomonic solution to replace the buffet – a move that has surprised absolutely no one.