RIDING OF HOLLEKE TOR, KINGDOM OF AETHER – When we came up with Good Garb Bingo, we had a discussion in the newsroom that we should make it the first in an occasional series. This week, we have the next installment: Tournament Bingo!
As it’s a long weekend for much of the Knowne World, with the first of the Large Events of the Summer, we hope you will enjoy this offering to keep you engaged with various types of marshal tournaments. We tried to not make it exclusive to either the rattan or fencing fields, but looking at the commonalities of both.
At the link below are 30 randomized bingo cards, with positive things to spot at a tournament. Just like Good Garb Bingo, we’ve made sure that you have spaces to write names, and we encourage you to use this when writing your award recommendations or at least familiarize yourself with the fighters in your area. Please feel free to share this post, download and print our bingo cards, and take to your next big tourney event.
Whatever you do, though, don’t shout “bingo!” in the third bout of the finals – the marshals may get upset at you.
BARONY OF VATAVIA, CALONTIR – At Coronation this weekend, Their Majesties Calontir announced a change in the requirements for heavy fighting authorization: the ability to carry a tune.
Their Majesties, King Olaf Siggurdson and Queen Aliya Rosenwood, announced at Their first court that singing tests would now be required in order for any new heavy weapons authorizations. They made it clear that anyone re-authorizing would also be subject to the new requirement. “We are already the greatest field army in the Knowne World,” said King Olaf, “but we need to be the best sounding one too. We love to sing as an army when we take the field, but there are some people just dragging us down from a musical standpoint. Also, it’s a safety issue – we really don’t want to strike flat.”
Queen Aliya went on: “I am so proud of our army. Now, in keeping with our might, we need to start addressing other aspects of our greatness, and we pride ourselves on our group singing. We need to make sure we sound as great as we fight, and look! We will also need to be able to project over the new bulldozer shield wall, so we’re really looking to maximize our volume.”
Their Majesties also noted that singing lessons would be available at several major events in the kingdom, as well as many local fighter practices.
Several Huscarls objected in the back of court that they were plenty loud enough, and that requirements that people know how to sing were “against the traditions of Pavel”.
SHIRE OF DRAGOUN’S WEAL, GLEANN ABHANN – Data released from Gulf Wars suggests that telling blows are up 14% over last year, with over 8,000 casualties reported in the ongoing “War with no enemies.”
Local officials were quick to note that the traditional Thursday thunderstorms were absent this year, leading to an unusual occurrence where all war points were held.
“The fact of the matter is we usually lose at least one battle to weather,” a Gulf Wars representative said. “We had about 15% more war, so it makes sense that we had about 15% more casualties.”
The SCAllion caught up with Erzog Lefrich on the side of the ravine, taking a moment before resurrecting to add tape to his knee cop. “It sucks, you know,” he said. “But that’s what it means to follow your King on campaign. You gather your gear when he calls, and kiss your family goodbye, knowing you may not see them again,” adding “until dinner.”
Asked if he was scared, Lefrich thought for a moment. “There’s not really time to be scared on the shieldwall,” he said, “There are things that I dread, though. I don’t want to die, no one does. The walk to and from Resurrection Point is kind of a trek. But the worst is going out there and dying from an anonymous crossbow bolt before you ever get to do hero shit.”
Gulf Wars typically has about 7,200 casualties, and accounts for a real-world cost of up to 30,000 days of PTO.
BARONY OF NAMRON, ANSTEORRA – This morning, an email was sent by the Society Earl Marshal Reginbold Strubel to Deputy Archery Marshal Reynallt Anghall ap Griffith and Deputy Combat Archery Marshal Joveta Cantatrix that going forward, no missile weapons are allowed to use mistletoe in their construction, effective immediately. All combat archery marshals at Gulf Wars would need to ensure that no mistletoe-based arrows or arrows with mistletoe in their construction would be going downfield.
“We have received reports that alligators are highly sensitive to mistletoe, and being an environmentally friendly organization, we want to make sure no alligators are harmed by such weapons,” said the Society Earl Marshal.
When reached for comment, the Society Combat Archery Marshal seemed a bit confused. “We have not allowed any wood for combat arrows in like 15 years, not sure what they are trying to ban. Also, is there a reason we need to not harm alligators? Don’t they eat people?”
When the statement from the Combat Archery Marshal was quoted to the SEM for further comment, he asked who that person was. “I mean, it’s not like I need to know who all these folks doing minor activities are, right?”
BARONY OF BRIGHT HILLS, ATLANTIA – In emergency marshals’ meetings this week, the archery and thrown weapons marshals of Atlantia have voted to form a union and to go on strike if their demands are not met.
Their primary demand? That the Marshal in Charge is acknowledged as the only authority after God on the range while the activity is in progress.
“This is very much a safety item,” said Mistress Beatrice ferch Wyn, the new union president. “And what we are demanding is that the rights of the range marshal as the ultimate authority on their range be confirmed by the Kingdom and Society Earls Marshal. This has long been the understanding of our marshallates, but recent decisions by the SEM and BoD have left too many questions in the air.”
This situation was brought about by the recent ruling of the Society Earl Marshal and the SCA Board of Directors to sanction a lifeguard for attempting to enforce Society for Creative Anachronism’s safety rules. One thrown weapons marshal on Facebook was seen to say, “We’re throwing sharp axes, knives, and spears. I don’t care if you are God Themself, if you are being a jerk on my range, I’m kicking you off for the safety of everyone else. Where the hell is my union card? I’m signing up right now.”
Kingdom Archery Marshal William Harrison supported the unionization efforts. “I have tried to get it through the heads above me that the reason we use targets rather than people is because what we use are live weapons. Thrown Weapons is in the same position. One wrong move with rattan is going to hurt, but it’s not going to be deadly. If someone violates the range safety rules, the likelihood of serious injury is extremely high. If my marshals want to go on strike until their right to ensure the safety for all participants is acknowledged, I will stand on that picket line with them.”
The movement seems to have kicked off similar efforts in other kingdoms, but no one else has yet put it to the vote.
Neither the Board of Directors or the office of the Society Earl Marshal had responded to requests for comment by press time. One member of the SEM’s staff, however, had posted to his facebook, “So who cares if there isn’t archery or thrown weapons at Gulf Wars? It’s not like it’s fighting.”
SHIRE OF NITHGAARD, ÆTHELMEARC – Duke William of Fossmore, who in modern life is a theoretical physics researcher at Penn State, recently returned after his first trip in his new time machine. He travelled to “get the real story” about the battle of Agincourt because “those archers are always claiming it was they who won it when we all know it really was just Harry’s Speech.”
His research assistants and grad students had a hard time getting the story out of Duke William, but it seems he materialized on the French side of the battle. When interviewed by The SCAllion they reported that he kept muttering “arrows… everywhere, arrows…” “They’re coming out of the goddamn trees!!” and “oh gods… they just slaughtered fallen knights not caring about ransom!” Once His Grace calmed down he immediately contacted the Society Board of Directors and gave a well-reasoned and passionate argument in support of the new archery/omnibus Peerage.
Duke William concluded his missive with: “My gods, maybe if they get the archery peerage it will calm them down enough so they don’t start taking daggers to us when we’re downed at Pennsic.” He immediately destroyed the time machine and all his research shortly thereafter because “there are things which are too upsetting to know the truth of.”
BARONY OF SHATTERED CRYSTAL, KINGDOM OF THE MIDDLE: A sense of purpose, resolve, and pride filled the Known World this week as news broke that the Siege Weapons communities of the Midrealm and the East Kingdom are sending all siege engines to help support the war efforts in Ukraine. While all the equipment was donated, a separate GoFundMe was set up to handle the costs of sending the vital equipment to the war front. That GoFundMe made its fundraising goal in 36 hours.
Now trebuchets, ballistas, and catapults are being shipped from all over the midwest and the east coast to Philadelphia, where they will be bubble wrapped, placed into a shipping container, and transported to Odessa. A hand calligraphed charter, based on a 16th century example issued by Jeremias II of Constantinople, explaining the gift & addressed to President Zelenskyy will be included.
“They already tried using caltrops to stop Russian tanks,” said THL Kerstiaen Jordenssoen of the Midrealm Siege Community, “This will give President Zelenskyy and his generals more options.”
“I applaud the siege community’s generosity,” said Sir Hugen mac Hugen of the Canton of Basingestoches in the East Kingdom, “I already buy all the equipment for my squires from an armorer in Rivne. This is making sure that there is still an armorer to supply the SCA in the future.”
“You bet I contributed to the GoFundMe,” chimed in Sir Edme of the Shattered Crystal, “It means we won’t have to face those damn things at Pennsic 50. Can we send the combat archers too? I am sure they’d be useful there!”
BARONY OF SOUTH DOWNS, MERIDIES – The punchline of a joke told by two squires at a fighter practice in the Barony of South Downs “and so, the BoD banned combat archery” went completely viral this weekend. Social media in multiple kingdoms exploded as the punchline was taken to be holy writ.
Posts demanding removal of the Society President and Society Earl Marshal and, for the 13th time in early 2023, requests for the dissolution of the Board began showing up in at least 12 kingdom Facebook groups almost immediately. The hashtag “#ImpeachTheBoD” began trending nationally on Twitter as evangelical Christians thought it was a call for impeachment of United States Government Officials.
Guy of Hampton, a prominent Atenveldt combat archer was quoted on Twitter as saying “Duke Hunting Season… I mean… War will never be the same. #ImpeachTheBoD #NeverAgain”
At this time there has been no official reply from Society leadership clarifying that this was a joke even though a simple published statement through official channels would resolve this issue to everyone’s satisfaction.
the SCAllion 
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