Arts and Sciences · Chivalry · Defense · East · Laurel · Pelican · Queen · Rose · Royal Peer

East Kingdom princesses announce that there will be no polling order awards during their reign

BARONY OF I’ÎLE DU DRAGON DORMANT, TIR MARA, EAST – Heirs of the East, Princesses Melodie and Jade, have announced that the only awards for their reign will be non-polling only. The announcement comes after the Heirs’ revealed that the first 4 months of polling discussions broke both their email boxes and their sanity. When reached for comment by The SCAllion, Princess Melodie, KSCA stated that “No seated royal should have to deal with this level of absolute chaos during their reign.” 

“There are plenty of ways to recognize good people and their service without having to deal with committee discussions for any award we want to give out. I have to deal with business by committee enough in the real world, this is just too much.” said Princess Jade, OL, OP, OD.

The announcement caused a firestorm on each of the East’s twelve polling order email lists. (No satire here, the East has twelve polling orders.) The lists stopped processing emails entirely after four hours. The SCAllion reached out to the East Kingdom Webministry, who provide the space for the mailing lists. When our call was answered we could only hear eldritch screams and distant fire alarms. 

The East Kingdom’s College of Scribes are celebrating the move as they will finally catch six months of breathing room to explore other arts, as they anticipate only half the number of scrolls as usual for a reign. When The SCAllion noted that the Order of the Rose is a polling order in the East, Her Highness Jade stated “If Our heirs want to poll me for the Rose, fine. I’m a triple peer in my own right and in my mind, this decision should make me a shoo-in for the Rose anyway.”

Aethelmearc · Ansteorra · Artemisia · Arts and Sciences · Atenveldt · Atlantia · Avacal · Caid · Calontir · Cynagua · Drachenwald · Ealdormere · East · Gleann Abhann · Insulae Draconis · Knowne World · Lochac · Meridies · Midrealm · Mists · Nordmark · Northshield · Outlands · Tir Mara · Tir Righ · Trimaris · West

Known World Wordsmiths join WGA strike

KNOWNE WORLD – Across all of the kingdoms of the Knowne World, wordsmiths of the Society for Creative Anachronism are launching a sympathy strike with the Writers Guild of America (WGA). These “wordsmiths” of the Knowne World are those who provide texts for award scrolls and related documents, as well as ceremony heralds and royal schtick writers. Renowned wordsmith and poet, Magistra Virginia Lupa released a statement.

“So much of what we do in the Knowne World has been influenced by members of the WGA, whose work has informed and, if you will pardon a little scribal joke, illuminated our own work. While members of the WGA are striking over issues which affect their very livelihood, SCA wordsmiths and scribes can also suffer from difficult working conditions, and although our “pay” comes in social capital and wordfame, sometimes we don’t even get that.  Supporting our sibling writers in the WGA seems only fair, after all they’ve given us.”

The strike has affected all the kingdoms, though some have been harder hit than others.  Kingdoms which have standard texts for some awards have suffered less than those where all scrolls are unique. Some of those kingdoms have begun to look through older scroll texts to find those which can be depersonalised and recycled. Peerage scrolls are universally unique, causing some kingdoms to delay elevations while the strike is ongoing.

Some kingdoms have even resorted to scabs, with predictably poor results. Maestra Monica do Cabo Verde, elevated shortly after the strike began, was a victim. “The illumination is gorgeous, the calligraphy is fantastic, but the text.”  Maestra Monica burst into tears before giving The SCAllion a transcription of the text, which is reproduced below in its entirety.

A woman stood out from the rest
Her service was truly the best
A Pelican she
Really ought to be
Signed , the King and the Queen of the West

The SCAllion supports the WGA and the Knowne World wordsmiths in their fight for fair treatment.

Chivalry · Defense · East · King · Laurel · Peerage · Pelican · Queen · Rose · Royal Peer

East Kingdom peerages agree on standard fealty oath

BARONY OF SETTMOUR SWAMP, THE EAST — In a move which has been met with surprise and astonishment, the combined peerage orders of the Kingdom of the East have unanimously approved a standard fealty oath for use by all peers throughout the kingdom who wish to swear fealty.

 According to sources in-Kingdom, King Báetán mac Fergaile and Queen Coblaith ingen Fechtnaig asked their peerage orders to create a standardised oath in the aftermath of the specialised, incredibly lengthy,  fully-documented period oath given to them this weekend by Magistra Ahelissa de Glack.  Now known widely as The Oath of Two Score Terms And Twelve, it was 20 minutes long and kept Their Majesties from badly-needed bathroom breaks.

The official form of the new standard oath is recorded in several languages, to enable some flexibility for peers of different cultural personae.

For example, the Latin form of the oath is thus:

Non te dedam
Non te deficiam
Non vagabor et deseram te
Non te lacrimabit
Non dicam vale
Non mendiar et laedam te

For those peers with Jewish personae, the Hebrew form of the oath reads:

לעולם לא אוותר עלייך
לעולם לא אאכזב אותך
לעולם לא אתרוצץ סביב ואעזוב אותך
לעולם לא אגרום לך לבכות
לעולם לא אומר להתראות
לעולם לא אספר שקר ואפגע בך

Peers from the Arabic-speaking regions may enjoy this version:

لن أتخلى عن الأمل فيك
لن أخذلك
لن أركض وأتركك
لن أجعلك تبكي
لن أقول وداعا
لن أقول لك كذبة وأجرحك

The Middle English form of the oath is as follows:

Ich schall relinquishe þe nevere
Ich schall faile þe nevere
Ich schall rave awei nevere, nor leve þe
Ich schall encausen þe wepest nevere
Ich schall sprece ileve niminge nevere
Ich schall sprece gabbe nevere nor bane þe

Translations in other languages are available from Baroness Theodhild, Brigantia Herald.

Asked to explain the words chosen, Lærifaðir Gunni Stillingr, a member of the Order of Laurel who assisted with the translations explained, “It’s not that strange a move, it’s important that everyone involved knows what the rules are.   Fealty is about making a full commitment.”

Despite the unanimous vote, some peers are not entirely on board with the new standard wording.  “This is against all the traditions of the East,” complained Baron Estienne Flambard, a long-time Pelican. “But their Majesties know the game, they’re going to play it, and we have to go along. If you ask me how I’m feeling about this whole situation, well, my heart’s been aching since it was announced.”

Master Ricardus de Asteleghe, a Bardic Laurel, was more enthusiastic.  “We’ve known this move was coming for so long,” he gushed.   “I love it, and I’m not too shy to say it.  I never want to give this up.”

Sources close to Theodhild Brigantia report that she spent the day after the announcement staring into the middle distance with a bottle of wine, muttering, “So it’s come to this.”

Bardic · Board of Directors · East · Knowne World · Midrealm · Mists · Royal Peer · Sanctions · West

Zero Tolerance Policy yields baffling results; Literally no one surprised (except maybe the BoD)

BARONY OF AYRETON, MIDDLE KINGDOM – In a story that has become entirely too common in today’s Society for Creative Anachronism, Their Majesties of the Midrealm pronounced a Banishment from the Realm for Jacob and Ellwood Blaüen on Saturday. 

While the Board insists that officers and crowns do not disclose the reasons for a banishment, The SCAllion’s inside mole, Deep Gorget, says that the Blaüens were banished for advocating that people should punch Nazis when they announce themselves, and that Nazis and white supremacists should be removed from participating in the Society. Deep Gorget also made clear that Their Majesties and the Kingdom Seneschal of the Middle were given no choice about levying these sanctions – they were given a mandate from above.

Lords Jacob and Ellwood made their statements after a run-in with a visitor to the open bardic evening they hosted at their home last week: someone identifying himself only as “a newcomer” walked in wearing khaki fatigues with lightning bolt collar pins and armbands bearing the Nazi flag and the Confederate battle flag. According to witnesses, the brothers initially asked the person politely to leave their home. When the person asked why they should have to leave an open Baronial bardic event, Ellwood replied, “I hate Illinois Nazis, and I don’t want them in my home.” The person left after verbally insulting the brothers and their guests. The Blaüens then posted about the encounter on Facebook, as described above, leading to a bullying and harassment complaint being filed against them with the Society Seneschal’s office by the angry “newcomer”.

Opinions around the kingdom were largely in support of the brothers Blaüen, elevating them to status of folk heroes. Crown Princess Carolina Piscatrix loudly publicly disagreed with the sanction. “We must stand together as an alliance to protect our game from the harm being done by the few who want to use us to live out their white supremacist fantasies. Those people should have no place in our Society.”

After some cajoling, Deep Gorget revealed that the incident with the Blaüens is not the only example of the anti-bullying policy being weaponized by actual bullies and white supremacists.  Sir Stephanus filius Rogeri of the East is facing a threat of banishment for posting the following on Facebook: “It’s our duty as peers, and especially as members of the Chivalry, to always punch Nazis.” Complaints of bullying have also been made against Princess Diana of Ephesos, the current Princess of the Mists, because her Facebook banner is an image of Wonder Woman punching Hitler from Wonder Woman #2 (1942).

“It’s a sad day,” Deep Gorget complained between drags on his unfiltered cigarette, “when wishing you could punch Nazis is punished more harshly than being a Nazi.  But that’s where we are, at least until the BoD gets its head out of its ass.”

Avacal · Drachenwald · East · Insulae Draconis · King · Knowne World · Lochac · Queen · Real Life · Royal Peer

Coronation fealty snafu in UK and Lochac

BARONY OF POLITARCHOPOLIS, LOCHAC – The Crown Prince and Princess of Lochac, Ruodeger Angist and Kiterna de Kaxtone, have stated that they were inspired by the example of King Charles III of England to call for all members of the Kingdom to swear an oath of allegiance at their upcoming coronation.  “We thought it would be fun,” said Prince Ruodeger, “and since Charles had already scheduled his Coronation on top of ours, we felt fine about nicking his idea.”

The idea has not been well received, either in the UK or in Lochac. However, it seems likely that more people would be willing to swear such an oath in Lochac than in the UK, since a SCAllion poll suggests that as many as 15 Lochacians said they might consider it, which is a significantly higher number than in  the United Kingdom. 

The most common response on the poll in both Lochac and the UK was “I’m on smoko, leave me alone.”

The Kingdom of Avacal also has a coronation in May, and The SCAllion asked them to comment.  Oddly enough, they didn’t seem to care.  The East does not have a coronation in May. The SCAllion did not ask them to comment, but they keep calling and leaving messages on our voicemail saying that the East, too, is on smoko.

East · Exchequer · Knowne World · Service

Known World Exchequer retreat ends in the purchase of resort spa

BARONY BEYOND THE MOUNTAIN, THE EAST – The AS LVII Knowne World Exchequer Symposium at The Meadows Casino, Resort, and Spa, recently became a week-long vacation for the SCA’s hardest-working, longest-suffering volunteers was held at a casino in Connecticut that caters specifically to people in positions that are not appreciated enough. Reporting from the resort is our embedded journalist, who is also an exchequer for a barony in a midwestern kingdom.

“We checked in on a Saturday and the first thing scheduled was a sauna, followed by a massage. They gave us drinks of our choice, so I had about a gallon of Pamplemousse La Croix in the sauna. I could feel the stress of 15 years in the exchequer job start to melt away. The crook in my back started to release during my massage and I felt the strain of staring at Excel spreadsheets leave my eyes.

“On Saturday night, we all hit the casino and we realized that several of us were quite talented in blackjack and poker. By the first night, they had won over a thousand dollars. Sunday morning we realized that the Society Exchequer and Treasurer had both forgotten about the symposium and we were on our own without an itinerary. When we checked on the reservations, we realized we were at an all-inclusive resort so our days were a whirlwind of spa treatments and our nights were spent in the casino. By Tuesday, we started pooling our casino winnings. On Wednesday, an Exchequer from Starkhafn met the resort owner who was having financial difficulties and looking to sell off the property. One of the Kingdom Exchequers was a paralegal at a tax firm and offered to set up an LLC. By Friday, we had a bank account in the Bahamas, an LLC, and a dream.”

The reporter and the rest of the Exchequers have all decided to quit their Society positions and dayjobs and work at the resort where they are treated better by their clients than they ever were by the Society for Creative Anachronism.

An Tir · Ansteorra · Board of Directors · Calontir · Community Standards · East · Editorial · From the Newsroom · Lochac · Meridies · Midrealm · Northshield · Sanctions · Trimaris

The SCAllion Guide to “Community Standards” – Part 1 in a New Series

Given the position taken by the Board of Directors at its April 23, 2023 meeting that sanctions properly can be imposed on SCA members for violations of unwritten “community standards,” the editors of The SCAllion have decided to provide a public service by providing examples of unwritten “community standards” in each Kingdom that visitors should be aware of, so as not to be sanctioned.  

The East:  DO NOT

  • Suggest that the Kingdom could use pre-printed scrolls for some awards;
  • Admit that you sort of hate going to Pennsic; or
  • Admit you were wrong about something on a polling discussion list (sanctions are extra likely if it’s on the Maunche list).

The Middle: DO NOT

  • Forget to bow to an empty throne;
  • Admit that you sort of hate going to Pennsic; or
  • Forget to fill out notarized paperwork in triplicate for all Society activities or gatherings.

Meridies:  DO NOT

  • Question why a squire is wearing an unadorned silver chain;
  • Suggest that a feast reasonably might cost more than $15; or
  • Overlook any of the voluminous (repeated, but still enforced) regulations for displaying banners.

Ansteorra:  DO NOT

  • Get on the wrong side of the debate over whether beans belong in chili;
  • Forget to ask a Queen, Princess or Lady of the Rose who is on the fighting or rapier field whether you have permission to hit them; or
  • Refuse the offerings of the waterbearers.

An Tir: DO NOT

  • Use more checky fabric in your garb than your station allows;
  • Let your passport lapse; or
  • Tell the Baronies of Madrone or Three Mountains that the other was founded first.

Calontir:  DO NOT

  • Express dislike of camping events;
  • Mention that you really hate singing; or
  • Have a persona from post-1400.

Northshield: DO NOT

  • Disparage hotdish;
  • Complain about the cold; or
  • Attempt to go off script from the Boke of Ceremonies

Trimaris: DO NOT

  • Suggest that an event be held at a hotel;
  •  Object to alligators in your lakes and swimming pools; or
  •  Make Dukes adhere to the rules of the list or Kingdom law.

Lochac:  DO NOT

  • Pretend as though the Order of Precedence actually matters;
  • Claim your kingdom owns Ynys Rhew (Antarctica); or
  • Make sheep jokes about the other half of the Kingdom.

Over the next several weeks, our roving reporters in the various Kingdoms will continue to compile the most notable unwritten “community standards.”  We will continue to provide this important service for as long as the Board keeps trying to enforce this utterly ridiculous and frankly insulting ruling.

East · King · Queen · Royal Peer

“Running on Dunks”, East Kingdom Style

BARONY OF CAROLINGIA, EAST KINGDOM – Just a week after East Kingdom Coronation, the reign of King Báetán mac Fergaile and Queen Coblaith ingen Fechtnaig was thrown into turmoil at their Curia, when the King’s squire, Noble Sigelint de Fresia, mistakenly picked up the wrong Dunkin’ Donuts order, grabbing the one intended for the Drag Brunch at the Boston Public Library instead of the one intended for the Crown. King Báetán stopped the Curia during Kingdom Officer reports shouting “Where the hell’s my Dunks?!”  

Queen Coblaith, who was severely under-caffeinated, noticeably perked up when Noble Sigelint came in with the order.  However, several librarians had followed them from Dunks and started shouting that the SCA had stolen their coffee. Order was eventually restored as everyone swapped their coffees, only for Curia to fall into disarray once again when the Queen declared, “There’s a Drag Brunch at the Boston Library? I’m out of here.”

Queen Coblaith, who didn’t bother to change out of garb, eventually came back to Curia with two Dolly Parton impersonators wearing Laurel Wreaths and announced Curia was closed and reopened as Drag Curia. King Báetán tabled the rest of the agenda and agreed to a new agenda focusing on actually getting things done in the East. The first order of business was to contact Dunkin’ Donuts and open talks into a sponsorship deal with the tagline “The East Kingdom Runs on Dunks.” 

Armored Combat · East

Experimental “No Cup” practice lasts exactly one day

BARONY OF SETTMOUR SWAMP, THE EAST: The SCAllion discovered recently that a variance granted by the Society Earl Marshal to try out a “No Cup” practice lasted exactly one evening of practice before being discontinued.

The East Kingdom’s popular “Nutley practice” was chosen as the forerunner for this experimental variance, but the experiment was abruptly called off after 14 knights and other fighters were sent to the hospital with a variety of injuries. Surprisingly, not all the injuries were groin-related. At least two were attributed to massive muscle strain from attempting to veer away from incoming shots that would have otherwise landed in the midsection of the afflicted fighter.

Sir Cormac of Oaken Wood was one of the few uninjured, and was willing to give The SCAllion a statement: “It felt so freeing. Who knew how constricting those things were? Too bad about all these guys, though. I know at least five of them were gearing up for a Crown run. Don’t know how that’s gonna go now. This was a great idea in theory, but damn, in practice? Wow, someone really didn’t think this one through.”

Calls and e-mails to the Society Earl Marshal have thus far gone unanswered, but The SCAllion will continue to investigate this poorly thought out variance. 

Ealdormere · East · Tir Mara · Tir Righ

Canadian SCAdians allowed to pay for international memberships with maple syrup

SHIRE OF AR N-EILEAN-NE, TIR MARA, EAST KINGDOM –  Due to rising inflation and costs of goods, the Board of Directors has issued a variance for Canadian members of the Society for Creative Anachronism.  These members were named informally at the last Board meeting as “SCAnadians,” much to the furor of those present in the call.

The official statement, published February 2nd, reads: “We recognise that money is tight for our northern members, and that the exchange rate between CAD and USD fluctuates significantly, and we therefore decided to search out a way to enable Canadians to maintain their memberships while relying on something more stable.”

Canadian members may now pay for international membership using one of the following methods:

  • A 1-litre jug of maple syrup
  • 4 XL Tim Hortons double-doubles and a 40-pack of TimBits
  • 10 Coffee Crisps
  • 3 BeaverTails
  • 5 2-litre bottles of Coca-Cola (must be purchased in Canada)

This decision has met with generally positive responses, as the change means membership costs for Canadians will be decreased overall, but as the Ealdormere Kingdom Seneschal pointed out, the difference will be made up by Canada Post shipping charges to send the chosen items to Milpitas San Diego.

One Board of Directors member, who omitted to specify that their remarks were off the record, made a comment within earshot of The SCAllion to the effect of, “We’re going to be swimming in syrup, and who’s going to drink all that coffee? This was a mistake.”