East · Exchequer · Knowne World · Service

Known World Exchequer retreat ends in the purchase of resort spa

BARONY BEYOND THE MOUNTAIN, THE EAST – The AS LVII Knowne World Exchequer Symposium at The Meadows Casino, Resort, and Spa, recently became a week-long vacation for the SCA’s hardest-working, longest-suffering volunteers was held at a casino in Connecticut that caters specifically to people in positions that are not appreciated enough. Reporting from the resort is our embedded journalist, who is also an exchequer for a barony in a midwestern kingdom.

“We checked in on a Saturday and the first thing scheduled was a sauna, followed by a massage. They gave us drinks of our choice, so I had about a gallon of Pamplemousse La Croix in the sauna. I could feel the stress of 15 years in the exchequer job start to melt away. The crook in my back started to release during my massage and I felt the strain of staring at Excel spreadsheets leave my eyes.

“On Saturday night, we all hit the casino and we realized that several of us were quite talented in blackjack and poker. By the first night, they had won over a thousand dollars. Sunday morning we realized that the Society Exchequer and Treasurer had both forgotten about the symposium and we were on our own without an itinerary. When we checked on the reservations, we realized we were at an all-inclusive resort so our days were a whirlwind of spa treatments and our nights were spent in the casino. By Tuesday, we started pooling our casino winnings. On Wednesday, an Exchequer from Starkhafn met the resort owner who was having financial difficulties and looking to sell off the property. One of the Kingdom Exchequers was a paralegal at a tax firm and offered to set up an LLC. By Friday, we had a bank account in the Bahamas, an LLC, and a dream.”

The reporter and the rest of the Exchequers have all decided to quit their Society positions and dayjobs and work at the resort where they are treated better by their clients than they ever were by the Society for Creative Anachronism.

Atlantia · Chivalry · Exchequer · Real Life

Knight with “Deeds not Words” tattoo mad at satire news

BARONY OF MARINUS, ATLANTIA – In a move that surprised no one, Sir Seamus the Silent has declared in a public Facebook post that he dislikes The SCAllion.  “All they do is put words on a web page, criticizing the true leaders of the SCA without signing their name to anything. If they are going to criticize the Chivalry, I will meet them on the field and we can talk about it with our swords. I’m sure we can find someone to authorize them if they’re not.” Sir Seamus’ Facebook profile is listed under his society name. While this has prevented the majority of his friends list from losing his society name in favor of his modern name in recent years, this has meant that several people have assumed that his modern name is Seamus rather than Frank. 

“If they want to change the SCA they should show up on the list field and get good enough to win Crown,” continued the post. “Making Kingdom Laws by right of arms is how things get done around here.” The SCAllion has verified that Sir Seamus has appeared in the final four of Crown Tournament twice and in Courts of Chivalry three times.

Sir Seamus has “Deeds Not Words” as his description on his Facebook profile. The SCAllion has also learned he has “Deeds Not Words” tattooed on the outside of his sword arm as it is prominently placed in his user icon, blocking his face.

Local Exchequer and self-identified SCAllion superfan Lord Halvkey Vetinari observed carefully, “Seamus is extremely fond of quoting that particular phrase. He brings it up in barony meetings when we start talking through the budget, mostly as a way of getting us to stop talking, I think.”

Other tactics used by Sir Seamus to disrupt otherwise productive meetings include frequent and incorrect references to Friedrich Nietzsche, detailed retellings of former glory as a martial artist in high school, and insisting the chronicler publish his household’s private Spear-The-Beer scores on a weekly basis. 

However, The SCAllion respects his right to privacy, and will not be trying to expose his true identity.

Atlantia · Exchequer · Pennsic War · Service

Undercover IRS agent investigates SCA 501(c)(3) tax status

BARONY OF STORVIK, KINGDOM OF ATLANTIA – It has been revealed through a Freedom of Information Act request that the IRS embedded an agent in the Society for Creative Anachronism from 2018 to 2020 to determine if it should retain its not-for-profit tax status. After realizing it had received over 12 complaints in its 50-year history, an agent was chosen from the ranks based on a past history of infiltration of similar groups. According to the FOIA, the agent had previously spent six months in the Knights of Columbus and it was deemed ‘close enough for government work.’ All agents’ names were redacted in the report.

In an interagency investigation, a Department of the Treasury agent was also assigned to the Society in response to the network of bank accounts it controls. The two agents were embedded first at Gulf Wars as two wandering bards, but were so uncomfortable with the amount of hostility at their filk of The Village People’s song “YMCA” that they decided to go as something they knew, and infiltrated the Knowne World Exchequer’s party at Pennsic War. They were accepted as new exchequers by the group and were quickly taught the exchequer policy by people in the Kingdom of Atlantia, where they both legally resided.

After six months, the IRS agent was serving his first term as baronial exchequer, while the Treasury agent was a deputy Kingdom Exchequer. According to the report, it was “such a natural fit that we decided to go where we could do the most good.” After serving most of a two-year term the IRS agent felt that they had gathered enough information to write their report. With COVID shutdowns starting, they both quietly slipped away from the Society.

In their final report, the agents noted that while the Society for Creative Anachronism did not perfectly live up to the rules of a 501(c)(3) organization, they were far better at it than the average evangelical charity. There was also a personal note from the Department of the Treasury agent that “The members of the Exchequer community are the hardest working people in the SCA. We should look at recruiting those with professional certifications into appropriate positions, as long as there would not be a conflict of interest with their SCA work.”