BARONY OF ALTAVIA, CAID — Two months ago, in an attempt to conduct a more dignified court, the King and Queen quietly banished those individuals who are known for making sarcastic, albeit hilarious, remarks from the back of royal court.
“To me, the SCA is all about pageantry and ritual,” remarked Their Majesty in an interview conducted just after the banishments had been announced, “When certain people make unsolicited comments from a partially obscured place in court, it really takes from everybody else’s experience. Oh, I know many people claim to enjoy the comments, but they’re just being nice. What the people really want is a court that conducts itself with the utmost seriousness.”
“That having been said,” interjected His Majesty, “We are well aware that the populace enjoys the social commentary, so we have invited two individuals new to our kingdom to provide this commentary while conducting themselves with the utmost courtesy and decorum. Lords Statler and Waldorf are certain to add the solemnity our courts so sorely need.”
Since then, it has been noted amongst the Caidan populace that Their Majesties are at the moment regretting this decision. Seemingly ignorant of Lords Statler and Waldorf’s modern occupation, the Crowns have spent subsequent royal courts on the receiving end of an amount of mean-spirited heckling never before observed outside of discussions regarding the Board of Directors.
During a point of the primary royal court at Consort’s Champion, in which the king held forth at length about how unusual it is for him to get choked up while presenting an award (despite getting choked up at EVERY royal court, sometimes on multiple occasions), Lord Statler was heard to stage-whisper to Lord Waldorf, “Do you believe in life after death?” Lord Waldorf responded: “Every time I leave one of his courts!”
This behavior was repeated two weeks later at Potrero War, where the lively lords broke up a particularly tedious knighting with their inimitable brand of heckling. When reprimanded by Their Majesties, Lord Statler again stage-whispered to his companion, “The SCA is a completely different culture isn’t it?”
Lord Waldorf agreed, declaring, “You said it! Everything here is immediately followed by sarcastic comments and nasty responses!”
“Yup,” replied Lord Statler, “We’re finally where we belong!” As is becoming habit, both lords proceeded to burst into obnoxious laughter.
The SCAllion asked the lords about their new roles following the royal court at Lyondemere Investiture, Lord Statler commented on the court experience under Their Majesties: “You know, there’s nothing like a truly decorous court.”
“Yep, and that was nothing like it!” answered Lord Waldorf.
When asked whether they were concerned that their remarks would end in banishment, Waldorf remained confident. “It’s not going to happen. Maybe if the Crown had minions that weren’t so utterly lazy or useless with simple tools like screwdrivers…” Lord Waldorf continuing “We can’t be kicked out! We’re bolted to the seats!”
“Besides,” added Lord Statler, “After sitting through a few of their courts, banishment would be a reprieve!”
“We could really go for a good R&D right about now,” asserted Lord Waldorf.
Despite the established conflict between the two parties,The SCAllion is certain that, on this point, Their Majesties would agree. The SCAllion has also noted that despite the rather zingy one-liners, even then it is not clear whether or not Community Standards would apply as a reason for any sort of Revocation and Denial of Benefits or if it would apply to Lords Statler and Waldorf.
P.S.: Jaws says we should note that Statler & Waldorf are owned by Disney, and not by us.