KNOWNE WORLD – Across all of the kingdoms of the Knowne World, wordsmiths of the Society for Creative Anachronism are launching a sympathy strike with the Writers Guild of America (WGA). These “wordsmiths” of the Knowne World are those who provide texts for award scrolls and related documents, as well as ceremony heralds and royal schtick writers. Renowned wordsmith and poet, Magistra Virginia Lupa released a statement.
“So much of what we do in the Knowne World has been influenced by members of the WGA, whose work has informed and, if you will pardon a little scribal joke, illuminated our own work. While members of the WGA are striking over issues which affect their very livelihood, SCA wordsmiths and scribes can also suffer from difficult working conditions, and although our “pay” comes in social capital and wordfame, sometimes we don’t even get that. Supporting our sibling writers in the WGA seems only fair, after all they’ve given us.”
The strike has affected all the kingdoms, though some have been harder hit than others. Kingdoms which have standard texts for some awards have suffered less than those where all scrolls are unique. Some of those kingdoms have begun to look through older scroll texts to find those which can be depersonalised and recycled. Peerage scrolls are universally unique, causing some kingdoms to delay elevations while the strike is ongoing.
Some kingdoms have even resorted to scabs, with predictably poor results. Maestra Monica do Cabo Verde, elevated shortly after the strike began, was a victim. “The illumination is gorgeous, the calligraphy is fantastic, but the text.” Maestra Monica burst into tears before giving The SCAllion a transcription of the text, which is reproduced below in its entirety.
A woman stood out from the rest Her service was truly the best A Pelican she Really ought to be Signed , the King and the Queen of the West
The SCAllion supports the WGA and the Knowne World wordsmiths in their fight for fair treatment.
SHIRE OF MARE AMETHYSTINUM, NORTHSHIELD – A newly approved SCA-Canada affiliate organization, SCAnada, has released their own sanctions guide with some changes to the main Society for Creative Anachronism’s traditional punishments of banishment: revocation of membership and denial of participation, known as an R&D.
“We got tired of having to explain to the Board that their process for R&Ds ran against the the Ontario Not-for-Profit Corporations Act (ONCA) ,” explained Baron Dermot O’Gormogan, the Board representative of SCAnada, “so we decided it was better to create a better system more in line with Canadian law, eh?”
Detailed within this new sanctions guide are administrative sanctions such as suspension and removal of officers, suspension of marshal’s warrants, and barring from participation in certain activities depending on the severity of the infractions. The changes outlined in the new sanctions guides also include the reasons for sanctions, noting the differences in Canadian and US law.
Under Section 1.B “Behavior that places the SCA in disrepute such as, but not limited to, racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, affiliation with Nazis, QAnon, or other extremist groups.
Under Section 3.A.2 Removal from Office of a Warranted Kingdom Officer or Deputy: now includes the provision that warrants may not be removed for following Kingdom law rather than unwritten tradition.
Under Section 3.A.3 Kingdom Officers may immediately suspend from all activities anyone who starts a sentence with “I’m not a racist, but”
Under Section 3.A.4 additions to the list of Administrative Actions as follows: “Such actions may include, but are not limited to, removal of permission to: wear a white belt with sweat pants, wear Laurel leaves more than twice the size of actual laurel leaves, using actual blood in a Pelican badge, wearing a MoD collar without a shirt, wearing more than 2 bells attached to garb and wearing every Pennsic badge you have ever received.”
Under Section 4.A.1 Banishment from the Royal Presence now also allows for the accidental and incidental breach of the 50 feet rule “any banished individual accidentally coming within 50 feet of the Crown must, within 5 seconds, remove themselves from the Royal presence while dancing a sprightly jig.
Under Section 4.B.1 Exile from the Kingdom is changed to “This does not preclude participation in activities in other non-Canadian, non-gun controlled Kingdoms.”
Under Section 4.C.5.f the explanation of behavior that can be sanctioned now includes but is not limited to, bullying, harassment, poking your nose in other people’s business, non-consensual seam checks, and exploiting Peer-fear.
Under Section 4.D. Emergency Temporary Removal from Participation now includes a provision for the use of a trebuchet, catapult, ballista, or another handy way to remove the participant from an event.
Under Section 7.A. Appealing a Kingdom Sanction now includes the provision that an unsuccessful appeal can trigger the general mockery of society at large that you have been kicked out of a hobby group for being a hoser.
Several members of cross-border kingdoms have welcomed the new governing documents for the new corporate entity and are beginning to push that their kingdoms comply primarily with the Canadian affiliate.
SHIRE OF ROCKHAVEN, NORTHSHIELD – Tensions are rising today as the Kingdoms of Northshield and Drachenwald clash over the vital community standards issue of what to call the foodstuff made with some sort of meat and vegetable combination topped with some form of potato. The Drachenwald ambassador, Baroness Prudence Godekoke, apparently gave offense when presented with what the Northshield ambassador, Master Mario Vitalis, called “hotdish.” The dish was made with ground beef, frozen green beans, cream of mushroom soup, and topped with tater tots. Baroness Godekoke cried, “Ah, cottage pie, lovely!”
Violence was avoided on that occasion, but only because Baroness Godekoke was immediately ushered from the building. As tempers flared, Master Mario began to call for sanctions based on the well-established principle of “community standards violations,” and units of regional foodies began to mass on both borders.
Neutral negotiators from Artemisia were mobilized since, with no cuisine of their own to speak of, they had no horse in that particular race. However, they may not be needed as the conflict may collapse on its own.
At press time, internal tensions in the involved kingdoms are flaring as factions struggle for control. In Northshield, the two main parties, the “Tatertotties” and the “Hashbrowners” seem to have suppressed the minority “Chiptopping” and fringe “Pastatoppers” parties and are locked in a fight for dominance.
In Drachenwald, a four way battle has erupted between “The Cottagers,” “The Shepherds,” the breakaway French “Parmentieratarians,” and the fierce campaigners of the “Janssons Frestelse” brigade.
Further updates will follow dinner, err, supper, err, tea, umm, the evening meal.
Given the position taken by the Board of Directors at its April 23, 2023 meeting that sanctions properly can be imposed on SCA members for violations of unwritten “community standards,” the editors of The SCAllion have decided to provide a public service by providing examples of unwritten “community standards” in each Kingdom that visitors should be aware of, so as not to be sanctioned.
The East: DO NOT
Suggest that the Kingdom could use pre-printed scrolls for some awards;
Admit that you sort of hate going to Pennsic; or
Admit you were wrong about something on a polling discussion list (sanctions are extra likely if it’s on the Maunche list).
The Middle: DO NOT
Forget to bow to an empty throne;
Admit that you sort of hate going to Pennsic; or
Forget to fill out notarized paperwork in triplicate for all Society activities or gatherings.
Meridies: DO NOT
Question why a squire is wearing an unadorned silver chain;
Suggest that a feast reasonably might cost more than $15; or
Overlook any of the voluminous (repeated, but still enforced) regulations for displaying banners.
Ansteorra: DO NOT
Get on the wrong side of the debate over whether beans belong in chili;
Forget to ask a Queen, Princess or Lady of the Rose who is on the fighting or rapier field whether you have permission to hit them; or
Refuse the offerings of the waterbearers.
An Tir: DO NOT
Use more checky fabric in your garb than your station allows;
Let your passport lapse; or
Tell the Baronies of Madrone or Three Mountains that the other was founded first.
Calontir: DO NOT
Express dislike of camping events;
Mention that you really hate singing; or
Have a persona from post-1400.
Northshield: DO NOT
Disparage hotdish;
Complain about the cold; or
Attempt to go off script from the Boke of Ceremonies
Trimaris: DO NOT
Suggest that an event be held at a hotel;
Object to alligators in your lakes and swimming pools; or
Make Dukes adhere to the rules of the list or Kingdom law.
Lochac: DO NOT
Pretend as though the Order of Precedence actually matters;
Claim your kingdom owns Ynys Rhew (Antarctica); or
Make sheep jokes about the other half of the Kingdom.
Over the next several weeks, our roving reporters in the various Kingdoms will continue to compile the most notable unwritten “community standards.” We will continue to provide this important service for as long as the Board keeps trying to enforce this utterly ridiculous and frankly insulting ruling.
BARONY OF CAER ANTERTH MAWR, NORTHSHIELD – In a move surprising only in how long overdue it was, Their Majesties called out the “bad Peers” at the back of court for talking so loudly that they drowned out the proceedings during Their Majesties’ evening court at Lupercalia last weekend.
“The hall was really loud and we couldn’t hear what was going on,” said Baronne Phillippe Boulanger, who witnessed the events, “and the herald asked the crowd multiple times to please be quiet so people could hear when they were called up.”
The “bad Peers at the back of court,” as they like to be known, are those individuals with (or without) peerages who stand at the back of the hall and use the court period to gossip and chat. It is sometimes presented as an honor to be invited into their club, but the herald was having none of it.
About an hour into court, one award recipient reportedly burst into tears because very few people cheered them at the cue, which they thought was a statement of opinion from the crowd. At this development, the herald seems to have finally snapped, and stalked to the edge of the stage to start berating the gaggle of gossips at the back of the hall at volume and with perfect diction. Magister Odo Seynt Giles, modernly a middle school English and drama teacher, was heard to bellow, “I deal with middle schoolers every day of the week, and if you insist on behaving like spoiled twelve-year-olds, then so help me, I will treat you accordingly!”
The normally cheerful and easy-going herald continued in this vein, expressing his profound disappointment at the appalling lack of peerlike qualities on display and the staggering degree of rudeness being exhibited “by those whom we would expect know better.” While several people in various peerage regalia were observed either slinking out of the room or finding a seat to watch in chastened silence, the majority of the group ignored the herald and blithely continued their conversations unabated.
“They didn’t even notice or stop when Her Majesty instructed the herald to call the offenders into court,” continued Baronne Phillippe,”but you bet they paid attention when the herald summoned them by name to come before the Crown and account for their behavior! And when the Guard headed down the hall to enforce it, some of them looked like they might run, but a lot of them got in line when She had the herald read a two hour banishment from the Presence for those who refused. She only hit the Peers, though.”
At the event, reactions to the herald’s dressing down of the “bad Peers” and Her Majesty’s subsequent actions were mixed, with some people cheering and applauding, and others muttering in anger and resentment.
“I have never been so offended before,” huffed Duke Carbonel Vitalis, one of the chief offenders. “Forced to apologize for perfectly reasonable behavior! Me! I have been king five times, and I have never seen such an outrage! That herald interrupted me in the middle of a really good joke, so I didn’t even get to finish it. When I was king…” At this point, The SCAllion reporter tuned out and went to collect other reactions.
“Banishment is not a tool to cow others into obedience!” complained Sir Robert le Blund, one of those escorted out. “We should be able to have a conversation at the back of court! We were just demonstrating how the tournament had gone and laughing at each other’s jokes! I don’t see why I should have to apologize for that! This is a clear abuse of authority by the Crown.”
Lady Khalilah bint Suliman al Baghdadi, on the other hand, was grateful. “I was having a really hard time hearing what was going on up front because of the people in the back being loud,” she said, “My sister missed the herald calling her name for her AoA! I’ve been waiting for someone to call those people out since I started 5 years ago. I couldn’t do it myself because I knew that I would be ignored and possibly ostracized for daring to speak up. But I loved that the herald just laid into them like that! And then the Queen made them come up and apologize! To the rest of us! In front of everyone! It was amazing.”
Her sister, Lady Cécile d’Anjou, added, “I knew Magister Odo could project, being a herald, but I had no idea he could get that loud! It was pretty impressive.”
Reactions online were also mixed, but those who were at the event mostly came down in favor, while those who had not attended called it an overreaction and a witch hunt.
The SCAllion notes that the banishment lasted all of two hours, so that the people involved were still able to sit to feast afterwards.
BARONY OF NORDSKOGEN, KINGDOM OF NORTHSHIELD – Well, jeez, The SCAllion has some tough news for you. I guess you might say that a bit of a melee broke out during a crafting night down there in Nordskogen, dontcha ya know. Nothing to get too worked up over, but just thought you might want to know.
Countess Elise from Atlantia was up for work and was invited by Her Royal Highness Yasmin to stop on over for the evening to socialize. Yasmin being a proper hostess and all that, provided some hotdish and lefse for everyone who came on out to work on this or that, maybe get some help if they needed it. “So, ya know, when Elise showed up I asked her ‘Didja eat yet?’ like we do up here, and do you know what she says? She has the gumption to say ‘Yeah, I’m good, thanks!’ Well, what’s that all about!?” Her Royal Highness told SCAllion reporters. “I tried several more times to offer her some hotdish or coffee or my lemon bars and she just refused!”
The scuffle broke out when Her Excellency Elise tried and disliked what was offered. “She wasn’t even polite enough to say ‘oh, that’s different!’ or to casually place her plate upside down in the trash bin so no one could see. She just said she didn’t like it, like some kind of crazy person!” Yasmine told The SCAllion.
Baroness Lena did her best to be a peacemaker, but folks are saying that sewing needles were drawn and brandished like knives, and when blood was drawn, Elise fled the scene with some pretty unkind words, if you know what I mean. And I bet you do!
“Welp, I ‘spose that’s about it then,” Yasmin said, slapping her thigh in a resigned manner, “that relationship might be a bit on thin ice, but that’s the way she goes sometimes, ya know?” Den everybody settled back down with their coffee and bars because that gown isn’t going to sew itself!
SHIRE OF COLDEDERNHALE, NORTHSHIELD: The SCAllion was made privy to the Kingdom of Northshield’s plans to move forward with some various experimental, non-martial Crown Tournament formats over the next several Crown Tournaments.
Northshield’s Kingdom Seneschal expanded on this concept: “So, we’ve decided to try out a few new things in the selection of our next Heirs here in Northshield,” they said. “Their Majesties came to me and asked to put out some feelers and maybe come up with some alternatives to a fighting Crown, all theoretically, of course. We asked the Stallari Council for their suggestions, and their input for alternatives ranged from lawn darts, to blackwork, to Texas Hold ’em, and my personal favorite, cornhole! We’re still looking into other options, of course, but I’m pulling for cornhole, not gonna lie.”
None of Northshield’s Chivalry could be reached for comment, but liquor stores kingdom-wide were rapidly selling out of anything on the shelves.
SHIRE OF RIVENWOOD TOWER, NORTHSHIELD – Judges and contestants alike were wowed last Saturday at an Arts and Sciences contest by a 16th century Venetian gown. “It’s absolutely stunning! Laurel-level work from someone who’s only been playing for two years!” declared Mistress Eleanor Beauchamp of the hand-sewn garment. Subtle rose in color, the silk garment was covered in embroidery and pearls, with genuine ermine edging. Lady Katherine de Bretagne, 20, was floored by the response to her handiwork. “I really didn’t think it was all that great. I’m still pretty unhappy with the pleating and how the silk skirting drapes,” she admitted to The SCAllion modestly. “Still, it’s really wonderful that people are showing so much interest in it!”
Her excitement was cut short, however, after receiving the scorecard from one judge. While she received scores of 9s and 10s nearly across the board, one judge gave her only 5 out of 10 possible points.
“It’s very unpeerlike and unscholarly to not understand how to format a bibliographic note,” explained judge Master Kristoph der Bald von Metz. “I was also disappointed that she didn’t also raise the silk worms and spin the fabric herself. And those paper sheets seem pretty impersonal, so I talked to her and explained that when I got my Laurel in AS XXXVII for a period feast featuring duck, which I raised and slaughtered myself, of course, along with all of the root vegetables I grew in the garden…” He continued at length for several minutes, but our scribe developed a cramp and stopped recording.
The Lady Bretagne was unable to be located for further comment, but onlookers noted that she left the site in tears.
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