BARONY OF I’ÎLE DU DRAGON DORMANT, TIR MARA, EAST – Heirs of the East, Princesses Melodie and Jade, have announced that the only awards for their reign will be non-polling only. The announcement comes after the Heirs’ revealed that the first 4 months of polling discussions broke both their email boxes and their sanity. When reached for comment by The SCAllion, Princess Melodie, KSCA stated that “No seated royal should have to deal with this level of absolute chaos during their reign.”
“There are plenty of ways to recognize good people and their service without having to deal with committee discussions for any award we want to give out. I have to deal with business by committee enough in the real world, this is just too much.” said Princess Jade, OL, OP, OD.
The announcement caused a firestorm on each of the East’s twelve polling order email lists. (No satire here, the East has twelve polling orders.) The lists stopped processing emails entirely after four hours. The SCAllion reached out to the East Kingdom Webministry, who provide the space for the mailing lists. When our call was answered we could only hear eldritch screams and distant fire alarms.
The East Kingdom’s College of Scribes are celebrating the move as they will finally catch six months of breathing room to explore other arts, as they anticipate only half the number of scrolls as usual for a reign. When The SCAllion noted that the Order of the Rose is a polling order in the East, Her Highness Jade stated “If Our heirs want to poll me for the Rose, fine. I’m a triple peer in my own right and in my mind, this decision should make me a shoo-in for the Rose anyway.”
Do you have a burning question about a situation that happened in the SCA and want to ask Goody? You can write to Goody at this form. Questions may be truncated for publication, and submitted questions may not be answered.
Dear Goody, I have a large empty space on my wall, which has been reserved for my Laurel and Pelican scrolls. After nearly 30 years of waiting for them, should I just give up and use the space for pictures of my grandchildren? Failing that, do you know any calligraphers/illuminators who’d be interested in a paying job? -Illuminated Admirer
Dear Illuminated,
If you have been a peer for 30 years and not gotten peerage scrolls, then yes, it is time to take matters into your own hands. Find out what your Kingdom requires for a scroll to be ‘official’. Gather the dates of elevations, events, and Crowns. Make a list of the things you like best- heraldry, colors, creatures, symbols, something to represent people who helped you. Have your full arms and blazon. Go look at what kind of art you like and make a collection of images with the book and page details for each manuscript. Then find a scribe.
Start with your kingdom scribal guild or college. Try Laurels in scribal arts. Throw the project out on social media with what you are seeking. If you don’t get local hits, there are multi kingdom and society wide interest groups for everything, including scribal arts and that will probably be a pond with many fish. If someone is interested, ask to see some of their previous work to make sure you like their styles. Not every scribe is the same. When you find the right person, negotiate and put together a contract that includes payment and deadlines. Give your scribe all of the information you have collected and talk with them about your likes and dislikes.
Together, you will make beautiful art.
Hope this helps!
Goody Advice
Dear Goody, I entered an A&S competition and had a really bad experience. The judges didn’t know us much as I did about my project and didn’t give good feedback. I don’t want to compete anymore, but I’m not sure how else can I advance in my art and get recognition. Thanks, I had a Bad Experience
Dear Experience,
You had what Granny would call a learning experience. They suck. Hard. So, rather than a bad experience, you had an experience in which you discovered pitfalls of the arts and sciences program of the SCA. Judging is subjective. Each judge has a different opinion and bar they feel you need to exceed. Some judges are just dicks.
You have options, and a lot of them. So, time to choose your own adventure.
Work on your art or science by yourself and maybe meet some people along the way who also find it cool. Ignore the arts community at large and just become painfully skilled at what you do. This road is very lonely.
Seek out the others who also enjoy your art and join their guild or form a new one, even if it is informal. Work together to elevate the art and knowledge of every member and start teaching so you can catch new members for your group. Reel them in. Research. Become subject matter experts and fantastic at your art or craft. This is far less lonely and works better for extroverts.
You can find yourself a decent Laurel to work with. Having the protection of a peer can be very helpful when navigating the Art/Sci system. Improve and research and use the guidance and mentoring you are given to focus yourself and hone your work.
There are display only Art/Sci events. If you don’t have them near you, start one! No one is scored, but you can receive validation verbally if you stay with your entry. You may also receive tokens from those who pass by and enjoy your art. Some may have notes attached. Extensive notes. Make friends with those people and plot more exhibitions for artists.
Demos! At events, a small group of people or a single artist can demo their work by setting up a table or small area and working on their craft. You can just talk to people who walk up and are interested. Hang a sign that reads “[Insert art here], come talk to me/us!”. This actually works. Make sure to check with event stewards to obtain a spot at the event for your demo and to make sure that you can do what you want, or if you will just have to present static pieces and speak to people. Some sites prohibit water, flame, dyes, ink, glass and more.
Also, there is the option of changing the system from within. You can become part of the Art/Sci community that runs competitions and works with Art/Sci ministers. Start with paperwork or signup sheets and work your way up. Find solutions to problems and present them in a helpful way, rather than just state problems. You will gain much more traction this way.
So, there are a few options to get you started. Feel free to mix and match. Do be sure to surround yourself with the type of people who will help create positive change and new opportunities. Be the change you want to see in the SCA.
Hope this helps!
Goody Advice
Dear Goody, I’ve been embezzling money from my local branch for years and the members have had the gall to bring charges against me. How do I convince them that fraud, embezzlement and theft are documented Period Practice? Sincerely, -Pending Laurel
Dear Pending,
Would you be so kind as to send me your contact information? Your research is fascinating and I want to make sure that you are recognized for your efforts! I am certain there are people who will deeply appreciate the depths of your endeavors. Let’s make sure you can receive the proper rewards for your deeds!
BARONY OF SETTMOUR SWAMP, THE EAST — In a move which has been met with surprise and astonishment, the combined peerage orders of the Kingdom of the East have unanimously approved a standard fealty oath for use by all peers throughout the kingdom who wish to swear fealty.
According to sources in-Kingdom, King Báetán mac Fergaile and Queen Coblaith ingen Fechtnaig asked their peerage orders to create a standardised oath in the aftermath of the specialised, incredibly lengthy, fully-documented period oath given to them this weekend by Magistra Ahelissa de Glack. Now known widely as The Oath of Two Score Terms And Twelve, it was 20 minutes long and kept Their Majesties from badly-needed bathroom breaks.
The official form of the new standard oath is recorded in several languages, to enable some flexibility for peers of different cultural personae.
For example, the Latin form of the oath is thus:
Non te dedam Non te deficiam Non vagabor et deseram te Non te lacrimabit Non dicam vale Non mendiar et laedam te
For those peers with Jewish personae, the Hebrew form of the oath reads:
לעולם לא אוותר עלייך לעולם לא אאכזב אותך לעולם לא אתרוצץ סביב ואעזוב אותך לעולם לא אגרום לך לבכות לעולם לא אומר להתראות לעולם לא אספר שקר ואפגע בך
Peers from the Arabic-speaking regions may enjoy this version:
لن أتخلى عن الأمل فيك لن أخذلك لن أركض وأتركك لن أجعلك تبكي لن أقول وداعا لن أقول لك كذبة وأجرحك
The Middle English form of the oath is as follows:
Ich schall relinquishe þe nevere Ich schall faile þe nevere Ich schall rave awei nevere, nor leve þe Ich schall encausen þe wepest nevere Ich schall sprece ileve niminge nevere Ich schall sprece gabbe nevere nor bane þe
Translations in other languages are available from Baroness Theodhild, Brigantia Herald.
Asked to explain the words chosen, Lærifaðir Gunni Stillingr, a member of the Order of Laurel who assisted with the translations explained, “It’s not that strange a move, it’s important that everyone involved knows what the rules are. Fealty is about making a full commitment.”
Despite the unanimous vote, some peers are not entirely on board with the new standard wording. “This is against all the traditions of the East,” complained Baron Estienne Flambard, a long-time Pelican. “But their Majesties know the game, they’re going to play it, and we have to go along. If you ask me how I’m feeling about this whole situation, well, my heart’s been aching since it was announced.”
Master Ricardus de Asteleghe, a Bardic Laurel, was more enthusiastic. “We’ve known this move was coming for so long,” he gushed. “I love it, and I’m not too shy to say it. I never want to give this up.”
Sources close to Theodhild Brigantia report that she spent the day after the announcement staring into the middle distance with a bottle of wine, muttering, “So it’s come to this.”
BARONY OF TWIN MOONS, ATENVELDT — The Kingdom of Atenveldt has ground to standstill today as the Order of the Pelican, along with the Orders of the Beacon of the Desert and Light of Atenveldt, went on strike, an action described by the Kingdom Royalty as “a co-ordinated Denial of Service attack.”
Royal Chamberlain Maximillian von Siddown addressed the crisis. “With the service orders on strike, Atenveldt is operating on an extremely limited basis. While the strikers have pledged to file their next quarterly reports to prevent the Kingdom falling out of compliance at the Board level, events more complex than backyard practices have stopped almost completely. Representatives of the Crown and Territorial Nobility will be meeting with the head of the striking orders, James deHoffa, to try to resolve the issues.
Master deHoffa released a list of the complaints of the service orders to TheSCAllion, and we presume, other media outlets. The strikers complaints include some health and safety concerns:
Muddy boots in the hall making floors slippery and adding to clean-up time
Mockery of mask enforcement both as in “making a mockery of” and “mocking those who mask”
Lack of first aid care for those who cross the picket line to the kitchen (even scabs deserve health care)
Among other things, the strikers are asking for:
Some attempt by the Royalty to keep to the schedule
The fighters and fencers, too, they always run late
A commitment to starting feasts on time
Severe punishments for those who volunteer to help and then don’t
More cookies
Master deHoffa clarified that he is referring in the last point to actual cookies, not the colloquial “cookies meaning awards,” although that would be fine, too.
The call to start feasts on time has drawn support from some members of the Orders of the Laurel, Flower of the Desert, and Fleur de Soleil. One member of the Fleur, speaking on condition of anonymity, asked how they were supposed to be recognised for their cooking skills if all the hot dishes had gone cold by the time they were served. Adding, “Lukewarm pottage? Blech!”
Dear Goody, I’ve been a member for a lot of years, and want to leave the SCA. How do I flounce for maximum drama? -On My Way Out
Dear On Your Way,
Just quit. You don’t have to tell anyone. And for fucks sake, stay gone. Otherwise we will doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion.
Hope this helps!
-Goody Advice
Dear Goody, My peer’s wife is flirting with me heavily. I know they have an open relationship, but I’m not that kind of girl. How do I get myself out of this? -Hesitant Squire
Dear Hesitant,
Some people flirt just to flirt and others do so with a purpose. When it comes to sex or personal safety, it is always ok to ask questions and to set boundaries. Have a polite but direct conversation asking her intentions. Once she tells you the purpose of her flirting you can tell her “No thank you”, “It makes me feel uncomfortable”, “I would like a different kind of relationship with you, as a friend” or something along those lines. Or if her intent is just shameless flirting for the sake of flirting, you can either roll with this or ask her to kindly knock it off.
The important part is to be honest, address the issue directly, and set your firm limits. Yes, this seems the opposite of the SCA political and organizational structure, but from this blog you can probably guess how that is going over with the crowd. When one way clearly doesn’t work, just do better with honesty and clarity when addressing an issue. Try to spread that around because we need a hell of a lot of it in our game.
Hope this helps!
-Goody Advice
Dear Goody, I’m a brand-new Pelican, but I’m pretty burned out after all of the years of work it took to get to this point. I’ve heard all about the cliche that people get their Peerages and then stop doing things. Can I go to an event every now and then without working, just to hang out with my friends, without setting a bad example? –Burned Out
Dear Burned Out,
Our Society has reached a state where we utterly consume a person in their field while also giving them dangerous mental anxiety in the process, and then bestow a peerage shortly before they entirely break. You have been grilled too long and are now charcoal at the edges. Now is a fantastic time to take a breath, go to events and remember why you fell in love with the SCA.
Meet new people, actually experience events, take classes and let the Dream woo you back to your joy. Once you knock off your burnt edges and remember what it is like to play again, then you can dive back into the service deeps if you want. Just like real life, plan vacations for yourself in the months and years to come. Pick events that you most enjoy and plan to attend them rather than to run them. This will help keep you sane for many years to come.
SHIRE OF HARPELSTANE, PRINCIPALITY OF INSULAE DRACONIS, KINGDOM OF DRACHENWALD – The Kingdom of Drachenwald has indicated that it will soon be looking to break with the Society for Creative Anachronism and petition to join the European Union instead.
Drachenwald’s Kingdom Seneschal, Íþróttakona Hoderina Ullrdottir, OP, gave this statement: “It is unfortunate that it has come to this, but we must inform you that, with sorrow, the Kingdom of Drachenwald will be presenting a petition to join the European Union in the very near future. This decision is not made lightly, but with full and frank consideration of all the issues and the unwavering support of Their Royal Majesties of Drachenwald. As the Board of Directors of the Society has demonstrated no interest in listening to international affiliates, the situation has become somewhat untenable. The Directors have made decisions that are incongruent with the core values expressed in Drachenwald, as expressed by our listening sessions with the populace. Americans should, in theory, be supportive of self-governance and equitable power structures. Unfortunately, the BoD has restricted our ability to change things like Crown and Coronet tournaments to be more in line with our core values.”
Íþróttakona Ullrdottir spoke further to The SCAllion: “Off the record? Seriously. The SCA has gone utterly overboard, and we’re plain knackered from dealing with it. Frankly, we’re legging it as soon as possible and we really don’t care. Does it look like we’re throwing a wobbly? Probably. But at this point, we really don’t care. I don’t want to slag the BoD off, but we’ve reached a point where we simply no longer care, nor want to care.”
The SCAllion will continue to try to decipher what Íþróttakona Ullrdottir just said so we can more accurately report on it for you, our devoted readers.
BARONY OF RAVEN’S FORT ANSTEORRA – Noted service martyr, Lady Beatrice Millerchip, went up in flames on Sunday, following a closing court in which she was, yet again, not put on vigil to join the Order of the Pelican.
Witnesses report that she quickly exited court and immediately began gathering assorted pieces of wood around the site. Lady Beatrice is said to have expressed shock at the general lack of gratitude. “The least Their Majesties could have done was call me up and recognize me personally for my contributions as part of the gate crew and serving staff. I’ve been stuck volunteering in those roles off-and-on for the last five years,” Lady Beatrice was heard to say, as she began creating a small, raised platform.
Members of Lady Beatrice’s home barony note that in addition to her service as part of event teams, she was renowned for organizing and undertaking service initiatives at local events without informing event stewards. Lady Beatrice reportedly remarked, “I knew the event stewards didn’t want me to pester them with silly details, even if my initiatives did end up conflicting with official event volunteers.”
Witnesses say Lady Beatrice added kerosene to the wooden platform she had built before adding, “Every Pelican-level volunteer such as myself knows to do what needs to be done. If I needed to ask for permission, I wouldn’t be as selfless a volunteer as I am. Take, for instance, this pyre. I built this pyre for the use of the barony! Nobody asked me to do it, but I saw a need and went ahead with it, fire regulations be damned!”
There was a minor scuffle as passers-by attempted to prevent Lady Beatrice from climbing to the top of her pyre. Onlookers were horrified to see that she carried a box of matches. It is reported that she then lit a match and threw it onto the pyre beneath her. As the ignited pyre began to burn, witnesses heard her scream, “I GIVE AND I GIVE AND NONE OF YOU RECOGNIZE MY SERVICE! ALTHOUGH I’VE BEEN GENERALLY THANKED EVERY TIME I SERVE, I KNOW THAT NONE OF YOU ACTUALLY MEANT IT, SINCE THANKS ONLY COUNTS WHEN THEIR MAJESTIES GIVE IT INDIVIDUALLY! I COULD BE HAVING FUN AT EVENTS LIKE THE REST OF YOU, BUT INSTEAD I CHOOSE TO BE MISERABLE AND I DO IT ALL FOR YOU! ”
Gunnar Magnusson is credited with marshaling firefighting efforts and saving the site. Sources say that, although new to the society, his actions have gotten the attention of certain notable Pelicans who are currently fighting over who gets to take him as protégé. The Order of the Pelican has not immediately responded to requests for comment.
BARONY OF AL-BARRAN, THE OUTLANDS – At a recent event in the Barony of al-Barran, The SCAllion had the opportunity to have a brief discussion with a local member of the Order of the Pelican regarding the difficulty the Society has recently been having with member retention.
While fulfilling the roles of Event Steward, Feastocrat, Head of Gate, Marshal in Charge, Minister of the Lists, Reservations Clerk, Archery Marshal, and Royal Liaison all simultaneously, Mistress Bethshua Warbleton lamented: “I really don’t know what’s been going on with the SCA not being able to keep good people! There are so many incredible opportunities to pitch in and help. People could be cooking, running the list table, taking reservations, all these things! I just don’t get why more people aren’t volunteering!” Mistress Warbleton was continually interrupted during our conversation, dealing with multiple issues in the kitchen and on the list field, all while personally ensuring Their Majesties royal room was fully stocked with the requested refreshments. “I just don’t understand it! So many things to do, and chances to volunteer. Where is the BoD in all this, and why aren’t they doing something about retention?”
The SCAllion was able to speak with a few other event attendees, and while none wished to be identified, the consensus opinion was one of “I WANTED to volunteer for this event, even tried. But everything was already taken months ago, and the person in charge never got back to me when I contacted them….”
BARONY OF SMALL GREY BEAR, GLEANN ABHANN. A baronial meeting in the Barony of Small Grey Bear turned into an outright brawl last night as a local polling order discussed if passive aggressive behavior was more of an art or a service.
“I hoped for better from the Pelicans in this barony,” said Mistress Sara von Schueffln, “but they don’t understand the beauty of a well placed comment.”
Master Charles D’Arcy responded, “It’s not that we don’t appreciate the beauty of a fantastic underhanded comment,” he said, “but it’s giving someone the opportunity to learn better behavior if they’re actually listening. That sort of instruction is a service!”
This discussion came about due to simultaneous submissions of a gentle for the baronial awards for service and for A&S, triggered by the same comment at fighter practice.
When asked for comment, the President of the SCA claimed, “it’s more of a combat sport than thrown weapons or archery, but, sure, it’s fine if they think that way.”
BARONY OF ONE THOUSAND EYES, ARTEMISIA – At their annual conclave this past weekend, the Order of the Pelican approved a bold new proposal to change the name and insignia of their order from Pelican to Albatross. The new symbol, narrowly beating out the Ostrich and the Dodo, was deemed the perfect choice to encapsulate the ideals of the Order in its current form.
Order secretary Dame Lemmie Duit Miwhey, of Ealdormere, explained the reasoning behind the proposal. “If you think about it, the symbol of the pelican is a terrible one for a service order. Rather than going out to find fish and bringing it back to her young, the pelican in her piety instead stabs herself in the breast and tries to feed her own blood to her children. Not only is it gross, but it also encourages in our protégés the least effective and most harmful techniques of service. And we do that well enough on our own, thank you very much!”
Dame Lemmie went on to explain how the new symbol was much more appropriate for the Order. “It’s still a bloody seabird hung around our necks, but this new symbol borrows from ‘The Rime of the Ancient Mariner.’ Like the poem’s narrator, we all saw membership in the Order to be a stroke of luck when we were first offered, but have since come to see it as a burden that we regret undertaking, a mark of shame that causes everyone else to blame us for things going wrong. It’s been this way since I was elevated decades ago, and it’s time we were honest about it with the rest of the Knowne World.”
Public reactions to this new proposal were mixed. Many disapproved of changing anything about the Society, with the Crown of the West declaring “It was good enough in 1966, and it’s good eno…wait, when was the Pelican created again?” Other critics questioned the new symbol, calling the Albatross a “glorified seagull” and “a pretentious post-period literary reference” that “was so dramatic that it was better suited to the Laurels.”
However, most commenters have embraced the new branding for the Order. “I like the new name and symbols! They feel more honest. Beautiful, really. I feel like I can relate to a name like that,” said Albert Ross, exchequer for the Shire of Stonegate.
Changes to Corpora and kingdom law will be put into place in coming months to reflect the newly rebranded Order of the Albatross. In the meantime, heralds of all kingdoms are advised to rework their scripts into common meter, and incorporate the new regalia: An albatross displayed inverted, vulned of a crossbow bolt, trussed and hung from a hemp rope collar.
The SCAllion reached out to the Board of Directors for comment, but per ancient and perhaps honorable tradition, have received no reply.
the SCAllion 
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